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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Reading Wikileaks is like Reading Your Sister's Diary

Wikileaks is the National Enquirer Magazine of the Internet.  That's all it is. A rag, a tabloid, a gossip fest online. I thought we had enough gossip with tmz.com.

I love freedom of speech, don't get me wrong here. And, I love that wikileaks is allowed to exist....cause I love freedom and I love America. But that also means I get to tell you that wikileaks is dumb and unnecessary reading material. Yup, that's right, just don't read it! Do you really need to know what Hilary Clinton personally thinks about some foreign leader?

I haven't read wikileaks. I haven't read it because it would be like reading my sister's diary...I do NOT want to know what she does with her boyfriend ok!? And, I do NOT want to know what she really thinks of me...cause it might make me sad!

I read a good article in the December 13th edition of The New Yorker. Lizzie Widdicombe wrote an article about wikileaks and the concept of "frenemies." She wrote about diplomacy and the importance of talking behind people's backs. Because that "off-the-record" conversation you have with Josie at the water cooler about your boss gives you personal insight into how to better deal with and communicate with your boss or your frenemy.

Bottom line...life is sometimes about getting your needs met, or getting America's needs met. And if Hilary Clinton needs to have off-the-record-back-room-talks about foreign leaders...then she should! And I don't need to know about it! Because those inside scoops help with her with decision-making.

Still don't get it??? Here is an example:

You go to lunch with Bob the mail-room guy. He happens to be the boss' nephew! Bob tells you the boss likes to have monthly reports written in a narrative summary instead of a list of stats. So what are you going to do with this info? Post it on facebook? NO silly, you are going to make your next monthly report into an awesome narrative summary and look like a star compared to your office mates!

Don't read wikileaks. We have lost the importance of secrets. Having secrets is often necessary. I kind of blame Obama...you knew this was coming right!  I blame him because he brought up the dumb concept of transparency! He preached that everyone should know everything! He's kicking himself in the ass for that right now. Mr. President...be careful what you wish for.

Dizzy From Seroquel

Question: I just started taking seroquel and now I get dizzy. Is it the medicine or is something else wrong with me?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Michelle Obama vs. The Fat Kid

I feel it is my duty to provide Michelle Obama with a reality check. So here we go...Mrs. Obama, you can thank me later! So she said...just yesterday..."Childhood obesity isn't just a public health threat, it's not just an economic threat, it's a national security threat as well." Now don't get me wrong, parts of the bill that just passed are great, like not letting kids go hungry. BUT...The emphasis on the statistics regarding how many children live in poverty and go to sleep hungry each night was sorely missing from this legislation.

For example, In 2009, 50.2 million Americans lived in food insecure households, 33 million adults and 17.2 million children. But Ms. Obama didn't talk about this, she was too focused on all those fat kids who seem to be eating quite well and who aren't hungry...ever!

Michelle, did you know Arkansas has 17.7% of families not getting enough food?

I think she is completely misguided by her socialist husband's need to control all we do...and her focus ended up not being about hunger but rather about forcing YOU not to eat devil dogs anymore!

kid + twinkie = security breech
kid + chips = heightened terror alert to red
kid + snickers= name on the no-fly list

Yeah, ok Mrs. O, so I'm guessing this applies to your fancy White House Christmas dinner too, right?  So Mrs. Obama... you are not allowed to eat any cream-based soups, no dinner rolls with pointless calories, no butter on the table, no candied yams dripping in maple syrup, no gravy, no mashed potatoes, no cheesecake, no pie, no ham, and definitely no ketchup....which has 233 calories per serving by the way!!

I declare, by the socialist powers that be, that you may only eat a garden salad with lemon spritzed on top for your Christmas dinner. Got it?!?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Even Nurses Get Duped By Doctors

Well, all my readers know I'm a nurse practitioner. But we get sick too and need to go to practitioners and doctors! So I'm going to share a personal story with you this time...because what happened to me happens everyday to someone out there.  And it's wrong.

I had to go to an Ear Nose Throat specialist (ENT) to evaluate my nose and throat because I have very bad sleep apnea. I'm sitting in the waiting room and a guy in a suit comes in with Starbucks coffees for all the staff. The staff behind the front desk are all ga-ga over this guy. Gee, who is the popular guy I wonder?

So I'm called back to the doctors office and I explain my sleep disorder to him. He asks me about allergies and I tell him, no, my sleep problem is the same every season, it's not allergies. But he then insists on giving me a prescription for nasonex. I tell him that's not what I need, but he insists. So I take it and I fill the prescription...which by the way...I had to pay A LOT for because there is no generic for nasonex! But I had faith in that ENT doctor.

He also told me and I quote..."Your life is spinning out of control, you sit on the couch every night eating, you need to lose weight and you wont snore!" He actually said that to me! I told him I'm a size six and I run on the treadmill 3-5 times a week....I told him I snored even when I was a skinny high school kid. But he didn't listen to me. So I left feeling very bad about myself and with a nasonex prescription I didn't think I needed.

I used the nasonex as instructed...and it did absolutely nothing for me. So I went for my follow up visit with this same ENT and that same guy in the suit was there giving everyone food. The staff really loved this guy!! So when I got into the doctor's office, I asked him..."Is that guy in the suit the nasonex pharmaceutical rep?!?" And the doctor said yes! It all made sense now...he pushed the nasonex on me because he has some sort of relationship with the nasonex guy! How sordid! Well of course I confronted the doctor and he did not appreciate that. He brought up my weight again and told me I was overweight and not doing enough to help myself! What!?!? He was so defensive about the nasonex guy he ended up saying, "I don't pick medications just because of that, and yes he bought us all lunch today too and that has no influence over what I prescribe." Really??? 

I paid this guy good money to treat me like this. I was duped. So to all my trusted peeps out there...you know yourself best, if your doctor or nurse practitioner doesn't listen to you...find a new clinician!  And to you Dr. P. the ENT...you have no bedside manner and you are influenced by pharmaceutical reps and you don't listen to your patients...in other words...you suck.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sometimes You Need A Lawyer

Question: I have a 15 year old son that has wanted to go  live with his grandparents and father. I agree that child support be stopped and he pay for all medical and dental and so on. I will still have full custody and child will come visit with me every other weekend. I want to be adults about this. Am I doing the right thing and how would I go get everything that child needs while living with them?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

When Your Mate Is In A Rehab

Question: Hey I'm kinda bummed out because my boyfriend who is in alcohol rehab is refusing to take my calls. He has been there for about a week now and haven't heard from him at all. So I called tonight and the night nurse informed me that he is not taking any of my calls. So I guess that we are no longer together and I won't be hearing from him again. Ouch that hurts!!!! And just to think that he wanted me to wait for him when he gets out. I'm confused do you think that it's over?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

How can I control my anxiety and depression?

Question: I feel anxiety and depression for a long time. Please help me get rid of this condition and disease.

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

How To End A Relationship

Question: I just found out that my live in boyfriend of 17 years is cheating on me. What is the best way for me to end this relationship.

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Is It Me Or Is It My Husband?

Question: I have been married for seven years now and me and my husband have been having the same problem with him needing to talk to other females from sun up to sun down.  Is this a sign that we are not made for each other? Or am I bringing this pain on myself by not doing something right in my marriage?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Voting - There SHOULD Be An App For That!

As usual, there are ballot issues in scattered states across our technically challenged electoral college.  How is it that year after year there is fraud, broken machinery, and dirty deeds occurring within one of our most sacred American endeavors...the voting process.   There's even a website that tracks all the voter problems. Why my own little State of Connecticut couldn't even count correctly!  I just don't get it. Why isn't Silicon Valley inventing some kind of voter software thingy that we can use? I don't know about you, but I want to be able to vote on my iphone! Totally cool right? How about getting that super-genius-Zuckerberg-Facebook-boy-wonder to create a voting app? Then we can vote on facebook! And maybe all the candidates should join Farmville so we can see what they are really all about! Who tilled their garden best would be my vote for Governor. How about you?

Should You Hook Up with an Ex or Not?

Question: Okay so this guy I was best friends with for 3 years and I finally got together in a relationship back in February. Since then, he left the state and we broke up. For me, it's a lot easier to get over someone after a breakup if I just cut off contact with them completely. But he must IM me like...3 separate times a day! Granted, we DON'T talk romantically nor do mentionings of hooking up ever happen, but I can't help but think that if he keeps talking to me, despite his new and exciting life in another state, that he's trying to retain contact with me (maybe just because we're best friends--or at least once were) because he still has feelings for me. I still have feelings for him. We'd discussed when we knew our relationship was coming to an end the prospect of hooking up when he comes back home, though. He's coming home for the first time next week since I last saw him in June. And he's still consistently been talking to me online. What do you think? Is he going to try to hook up with me? I really don't think I'm going to be the one to initiate anything for fear of looking stupid and being rejected and like I can't get over him. Should I decline if he DOES try?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Bipolar Medications Take My Emotions Away

Question: I have been off bipolar medication for 10 months now.  I did not like the way they made me feel.  I had no emotions and always felt zoned out and when my mom passed,  I did not feel a thing, no emotions at all, so I got off them with a doctor's help but I need them.  My bipolar is affecting my marriage.  What can I take that will help and not make me feel like that I am also very depressed due to constant pain?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
Laura NP

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Background Check Your New Boyfriend

Question: I have been with the most amazing man for nearly a year now. Life is wonderful,our normal ups&downs. Here's the problem, my sis did a background check on him right when I met him. There was some things that came up, nothing like an arrest or legal. It was some outstanding credit matters,which was the wrong person and of course she thought it was him. Long story short is, she called me that night and blasted me while he was sitting beside me. He heard everything, and now it is eating at him! He refuses to meet my son, saying he can just imagine what my sis told him and the rest of my family. He has been totally upfront with me. What was found was past relationships where the exs did this to his credit. I have no reason to distrust him. Now it is eating at him because there is a party coming up, he wants to go stating maybe my sis will have my ex there or maybe someone else that she feels may be better for me! I love this man, what can I do to convince him of this, how can I make him see that he is the wonderful man that I love and not some low life, which is what she has made him seem like. Help please!!

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

What's Up With My Husband and Sister?

Question: I was supposed to go to a wine festival with my husband and sister which had been planned and they blew me off to watch a football game.  Am I right in being angry at them and thinking they were both selfish?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Juan Williams Should Have Followed The Don't Ask Don't Tell Rule!

Juan Williams was just fired from NPR for a statement he made on Fox News. I love Juan Williams, I watch him on Fox all the time! Anyway, Juan was telling Bill O'Reilly that when he gets on a plane, and he sees a person "openly wearing Muslim garb," he gets nervous. He said he gets nervous because, "they are identifying themselves first and foremost as a Muslim."  I get what he's saying...see if you can follow this:

It's really all about the Don't Ask Don't Tell rule. Say what??? Yes, it's true, if you announce your intentions or your preferences, people will judge you no matter what. So if you say to the Army recruiter, "I'm a girl and I like girls," well, what do you think is going to happen! People are going to gossip about you, and misjudge you...because most humans are flawed like that! So Juan is simply saying, if people are going to show me what should be a private thing, then they should expect said reactions. So simple! People should abide by the don't ask don't tell rule for all of their personal stuff!

The lesson here....keep your private information private. I don't want to know about your sexual preferences, I don't want to know about your religious beliefs, let's just get the task at hand done as a team. If our mission is a recon mission in Iraq, I want to know you "got my back," not that you're going to go home later and have sex or that your going to go to temple/church/mosque after our mission to pray. I don't care what you do in your private life, just stand beside me and be my teammate for whatever comes our way!

Monday, October 11, 2010

What Happened to "Do The Right Thing?"

I saw Arianna Huffington on the Huckabee show last night.  She so eloquently summed up exactly what's wrong in the world. From the BP spill to the Hungarian toxic sludge, it is about corporate accountability...really lack of accountability. Ms. Huffington said there is nothing wrong with the concept of capitalism, and capitalism works! What's wrong is that businesses and corporations have no morals. They are consumed with the quick profit and they are taking near-lethal short cuts to make the money. And then Ms. Huffington spoke about the government's role in all this. She said the government should be regulating and overseeing these businesses. The government should be the watchdog. And, in fact, the government has had major roles in many of these devastating-big-business-related-public disasters. But...the government wasn't doing what it was supposed to either, the government was not monitoring what was going on, the government wasn't protecting us.

And it's this simple...businesses and corporations - the men and women who run them, are immoral and unethical.  And the government - the president and the congress are immoral and unethical.

It's not the democrats or republicans who ruined us...it's our brother, our sister, our neighbor, our mother our father, each of us. We ruined ourselves by not doing the right thing, by not helping each other and by taking advantage of each other. By stealing and lying and hurting each other.

Thank you Ms. Huffington, you have hit the proverbial nail on the head. My eyes are open!

I don't know why we are doing this to each other. Do you?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Obama College - Where everyone gets a C and that's ok!

How crazy is this!?! So Obama was talking about some "job training initiative" and "community college grad thing." Something about getting more kids to go to community colleges? And having big name companies join the community college band wagon to "increase the ability of U.S students to compete in a global workforce." What? Since when are community colleges playing ball in the Ivy League? What happened to:

Working-your-ass-off-in-high-school-get-straight-As-join-key club-honor club-spanish club-german club-yearbook crew-A/V club-marching band-play-a-different-sport-every-season-just-to-get-admitted-to-an-Ivy-League-School ambition?

That's how I was raised how about you? But now Obama wants to "dumbify" Americans. That's what it feels like. Why is he giving speeches about encouraging more students to go to community college? Seriously, he has some hidden motivation for this bone-headed move. I'm thinking he wants to squash the spirit of the American people by telling everyone...it's ok to be mediocre.  That's exactly what he wants, then everyone will be stupid enough to do whatever he says. It's true! Obama admits he is sick and tired of Fox news and Tea partiers because they are causing Americans to question his authority and policy. He wants everyone to shut up and sit down and do as he says.

Going to Community College is NOT going to prepare you for competition in the global workforce. Going to MIT will. Competition is good for you. So tell your kids to work hard and shoot for the stars! Don't give up, dream big, believe in yourself, and make a difference! Home-Grown American Passion, live it! And don't vote for Obama-like people ever again!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Meg Whitman Is In Love With Herself

Even though I'm way over in Connecticut, I can't help but follow the California Governor's race. I just can't get over how much money Meg Whitman is spending on her campaign! Don't get me wrong...I love capitalism, and she earned her billions doing a great job as CEO of eBay. But, how people use and spend their money  provides a direct view into their soul, into their core character. And Meg Whitman, spending about 150 million to buy herself the governorship...well, that's some serious narcissistic self-love! Seriously Meg, are you that into yourself? Do you really think you can make California a better place by being Governor? Meg, you could have used that campaign money to do all sorts of wonderful community improvements. You could have saved California just by investing that money in California, not in yourself!  If she becomes the governor, her whole term will be about making herself look good at everyone else's expense. She can't help it! It's a serious character flaw! Meg needs some psychoanalysis to really delve into the reasons she chose to spend her money in this slightly dirty manner. Not to mention how she refused to help her maid get legal citizenship after employing her for nine years! Hello, someone who works for you in your home, does a good job, becomes close with your family, then asks you for help...and you send her down the river? Meg has no morals! As a woman and as a fiscal conservative, it is hard for me to bash one of my own. But Meg Whitman is a toxic-out-for-herself-knock-down-anyone-in-her-way-self-indulgent-mean-spirited-selfish-heartless woman.  Don't vote for her all my California peeps! Because sometimes its not about loyalty to your party, it's about integrity, ethics, morals, and doing the right thing.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

4 year olds like to test you!

Question: My daughter is 4 years old and she does not like to sleep at night. She has me up until 3-4am. I tried the old thing of waking her up early and that only worked for a day or two, but she went right back to where she was. I really don't want to put her on meds yet.

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Do You Need More or Less Medication?

Question:  My son is 19 yrs old and he has tourettes, OCD, and feels he also has anxiety.  He takes risperidone for tourettes and fluvoxamine for OCD. Last night he seemed to have an attack. When he gets in a relationship, he feels he needs to break up. Does he need new medication?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Dysfunctional father-daughter relationships

Question: I recently started a relationship with a man who has a 15 year old daughter. In the beginning he told me he was unable to have a relationship in the past due to his daughters behavior and emotional issues. She believes she is his girlfriend. She does everything for him a girlfriend would do. She keeps tabs on him, goes thru his phone & email. wears his clothes & walks around smelling them. We went to see a band the other nite & came back to his house to her in his bed in panties & a tshirt. What is this called when a daughter is this way towards her father?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Three Hybrids That Should Never Ever Happen

So many news stories about hybrid cars, hybrid animals, hybrid fruits and veggies...lots of hybrids! But there are some things in this world that should NOT be a hybrid. First, let's just review the basics. A hybrid is "an organism that is the offspring of genetically dissimilar parents." An easy example is a mule:

 Horse + Donkey = Mule

So you get this basic concept right?  Now let's get to the meat of this, here are things that should never join to create a spawn:

1. Bedbugs + Cockroaches = BockBoaches 
How creepy is this new species!?! So cockroaches leave chemical trails in their poo and emit pheromones to instigate swarming and mating. Bedbugs work alone, they pierce your skin with two hollow feeding tubes and one tube injects saliva and the other sucks your blood.  Both insects are nocturnal. Put them together...and you've got a swarming mass of blood sucking creatures covering your whole body in bed!  Did I mention...if you do crimes in the bed and you're bit by a bedbug, forensics peeps can collect the bug and squeeze your DNA out of it!

2. Corn + Jalapenos = Calapenos  
Ahhh....who doesn't love sweet summer corn on the cob! But what if your corn cob had tiny little kernels of jalapenos! Would you put butter on it? Would you take little bites in between gulps of cold beer? Would you eat it at all? The sad part is, some science-loving-genetics-altering-PhD dork is going to make this all while using your tax dollars in the name of cutting edge science!

3. Glenn Beck + Barack Obama =  Bobama
Really!?! Just think, two political extremes merged to create one middle-of-the-road negotiator. Congress might actually come together and agree on things...after all, people feel most comfortable in the neutral zone! Everything would be fair and compromise would be the norm! Bobama would use a chalkboard and a teleprompter to explain things to us. There would be some new religion developed that made room for all different kinds of beliefs to co-exist. Everyone would be accepted for who they are. Isn't there some saying about all this? Oh yes, here it is...Cicero said, "Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide."  So vote for Bobama! But wait, if we all got along and agreed on everything and stayed the middle-of-the-road course...there would be nothing left to do! There would be no debates, no arguments, no friction, no nothing! What the heck would we all talk about? How awkward would a cocktail party be? We would have no choice but to read blogs about being a  mom and cooking and tech crap! Count me out. I like Glenn Beck for his feisty-crazy-fanatical-teary-eyed-God-loving speeches! And Obama, well, he's a lesson for all of us, he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Wolf + Sheep skin = Obama.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hazardous Hookah

My little town just added a Hookah Lounge! Does everyone out there know what Hookah is? Hookah is a water pipe used for smoking tobacco. And, Hookah is a tobacco usually flavored with mint or fruit. Gross!! Don't think for one minute that smoking hookah is safer than smoking cigarettes. It isn't!  So what happens in these bars? You go in and buy some nasty-flavored tobacco and you "rent" a pipe, sit on a couch with your friends, and smoke. Disgusting! Smoking Hookah in a lounge for an hour is equal to smoking a whole pack of cigarettes. It's true!  The content and packaging of water pipe tobacco are not regulated by the food and drug administration. I'm here to tell you that Hookah is not cool and it is bad for your health. The Mayo Clinic identifies Hookah as having toxic compounds in it including tar, carbon monoxide, heavy metals, and cancer-causing chemicals. AND...those pipes that you "rent"...may not be cleaned appropriately and you can get a nasty infectious disease from the moron who used it before you...a big sore on your upper lip that's all puss-filled, oozing and crusty!  Is that what you want? Isn't it funny how all across America the restrictions on cigarette smoking are becoming stricter...like how you can't smoke in public buildings and how you have to be so many feet from doorways if you are smoking outside a building...but in total contrast to the cigarette rules, our government is allowing these Middle Eastern Hookah bars and lounges to set up shop in the USA without the same FDA regulations that cigarettes have? 

How about this Thesaurus entry:
Main Entry: horrible/horrendous/horrid/Hookah

Part of Speech: adjective

Definition: repulsive, very unpleasant

Synonyms: abhorrent, abominable, appalling, awful, beastly, cruel, detestable, disagreeable, disgusting, dreadful, eerie, execrable, fearful, frightful, ghastly, grim, grisly, gross*, gruesome, heinous, hideous, loathsome, lousy, lurid, mean, nasty, obnoxious, offensive, repellent, revolting, scandalous, scary, shameful, shocking, terrible, terrifying, ungodly, unholy, unkind.

Thanks to Thesaurus.com for the above! And remember...Don't smoke Hookah and don't spend your US dollars at a Hookah bar or lounge!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Back To School Supplies For Your Briefcase

Back to school time!  It seems so fun for kids to get school supplies and fill their back packs. Did you know there are a few things that belong in a kid's back pack that also belong in your work briefcase?  Because a kid's back pack is the same as an adults briefcase...a portable container for stuff to get you through your day! Some adults wear back packs to work... not cool. Some kids carry briefcases to school...really not cool. So what items are essential for a kid's backpack AND an adults briefcase??? Here's the list:

1. gum and candy.  Who was the most popular kid in school and on the bus? The kid selling a piece of bubble gum for a quarter! Remember that rip off? I bet that is how Donald Trump got his start. Seriously, the little entrepreneur selling gum and candy out of his back pack...super-genius! I say his because it always seemed to be a boy and never a girl. I hope there are more girls selling gum at school now than in my day! And why should an adult have gum and candy in their briefcase? To manipulate the boss and coworkers of course! Sugar the boss up real good then go ahead and ask for whatever you want! Sugar your coworkers up real good and then ask them to finish your monthly reports for you! And, when you get caught napping in the afternoon, you can say, "I must have low blood sugar, I'm so sorry, let me get a kit kat out of my briefcase and I'll be better in a minute, thanks for being so understanding of my medical issues!"

from funees.com
2. paper clips. Unbend a paper clip and it can potentially get you out of any locked environment. It is the perfect lock picker! And, paper clips are good for cleaning under your nails so the teacher thinks you washed your hands. You need paper clips in your briefcase too! If you take a hand full of paper clips, you can unbend and bend them into all kinds of different things...including a mini voodoo doll of the boss. That's right, bend some clips into the boss's likeness and drop it on the floor, step on it, spill hot coffee on it...go ahead...you know you want to! It is the safe alternative when you need to get your feelings out.

3. A calculator. So you can get your assignments done within minutes as opposed to using that number line you still have from first grade. And you need a calculator in the briefcase...especially on pay day, so you can figure out how much your check is short, cause you know it's going to happen. Remember when you worked through your unpaid lunch half hour monday-tuesday-wednesday-thursday-friday? Yeah....they didn't pay you for that last week or this week.

4. A sharpie. You need to label all your stuff permanently. Bottom line...little kids steal and coworkers steal. Those little kids will dig right into each others back packs and take stuff! As for coworkers...you know how it feels when you bring your lunch and put it in the community fridge and then come lunch time your food is gone! Or your favorite clipboard that you bring to meetings...stolen! Label it all with the sharpie, so when you go to your next meeting and you see someone with a clipboard, you can politely ask to look at it and then say..."Ah-ha! that's my clipboard! See my name right there on it in permanent ink? Give it back or I'm telling!"

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Who Wants a Robot Boss?

The Sunday Times is one of my favorite reads. Even if I think it's a liberal rag! Well today The Times has a cool article about having a "robotic boss."  There are pros and cons to this idea. We really should review these now...before you go back to work after your awesome Labor Day Holiday and find a robot with a picture of your boss' face on it rifling through your desk! Let's prepare!  

2010 Recyclart by Neokentin
  1. You can do things behind the robot's back. It takes a long time for a robot to turn it's whole self around! This feature gives you ample opportunity to move around the room, flip your robot boss the bird, make obscene gestures, and accidentally knock it over!
  2. It's easier to cry in front of a robot than a real human. No, really, it's true! Go ahead and lay the guilt trip on your robot boss. Bawl your eyes out! What's the robot gonna do? Pat you on the back with it's stainless steel claw? Confuse the hell out of the robot with emotions! Remember Will Smith's creepy robot movie I, Robot?
  3. You can be the boss of a robot too! You can get a Robot to clean your house instead of worrying about hiring an illegal immigrant! With all the issues going on now with illegal immigrants, it's a good idea to stay away from this explosive controversy. You just might get sued or something! Not to mention, it's just not the politically correct thing to do...or is it? And, don't forget...robots can disarm bombs and perform dangerous missions like sealing the BP well. 

    1. That damn robot boss can sit next to you in your cubicle all damn day! It's that whole big brother thing! Say good-bye to water-cooler gossip fests...say good-bye to shopping on line, checking personal email, napping, listening to your ipod, reading magazines, goofing off, playing video games, chatting on the phone...all the things we go to work to do! 
    2. Robots can break, get their parts accidentally stuck in the closing elevator doors, and fail at the most important moments...like capping that BP well! And when they do break, you've got to pay some MIT geek graduate lots of dough to fix the thing! 
    3. They use batteries, electricity, and all those things Al Gore says we use too much of! I wonder if Mr. Gore hires robots?? I haven't seen any solar powered robots yet have you? In keeping with the politically correct circles, it would look really bad if  you claimed to be a "green-tree-hugger-vegan-eating-hybrid-driving-eco-friendly-minimal-carbon-footprint-dork, AND you owned an electrical-type robot with it's own carbon footprint! Best not to buy a robot  if you don't want to soil your reputation...right Mr. Gore?

    clip art licensed from the clip art gallery on discoveryschool.com.

    Now we are prepared for any robotic changes that may come our way! I certainly feel better! See...every-now-and-then, The New York Times comes in handy! So go to my blogger page and vote...yes or no to a robot boss!?!

    Friday, September 3, 2010

    My Guy Has Lost Interest

    Question: I have been having a weird feeling about the guy I am dating,  like he is talking to someone else or cheating. I feel like he is hiding something from me, because he does not sleep with me anymore, touch me, or kiss me. I just feel like he is just using me cause we were close but now it's like he hates me.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Thursday, September 2, 2010

    Stephen Hawking vs. God

    Stephen Hawking, the super-genius brainiac math and physics guru just came out with a new book in which he writes that perhaps God did not create the universe. The new book is called The Grand Design. The book hasn't actually been released yet. But like everything else with crazy amounts of controversy...the news junkies have issued their opinions disguised as factual news! CNN declared that Mr. Hawking "aims to banish a divine creator from physics."

    Planets, stars, UFOs and galaxies are cool. Who doesn't love the planetarium! I used to sneak food into the planetarium when I was a tween. Back then I don't think we gave much thought to how it all came to be. But now, with all the religions fighting and each of them demanding that they are "right" and their beliefs are "right," I just don't know what is real or not. It's so confusing but mostly it's sad. It's sad that religion provokes war. So maybe now is a good time for Mr. Hawking to declare that "the universe can and will create itself from nothing."

     I don't know if Mr. Hawking is saying there is no God. I haven't read the book. But all the newsies are sensationalizing his comments out of context and telling us there is no God. According to CNN, Hawking is saying that "if there are untold numbers of planets in the galaxy, it's less remarkable that there's one with conditions for human life." In other words...we ain't so special after all!

     But the die-hard religious peeps say Hawking is really saying YES to God! Religious experts are saying that the science explains how we and the galaxy exist...but religion gives it the meaning. I don't know. In the CNN article Fraser Watts, a priest and history of science expert said that "it's not the existence of the universe that proves the existence of God...a creator God provides a reasonable and credible explanation of why there is a universe, and it is somewhat more likely that there is a God than that there is not." I don't know.

    Basically, you can twist words to say whatever you want. Semantics! The dictionary definition of semantics: The study of meanings. The historical and psychological study and the classification of changes in the signification of words or forms viewed as factors in linguistic development. It is the language used to achieve a desired effect on people. In other words, we are duped daily by word mumbo-jumbo!
    Clip Art licensed from the clip art gallery on Discoveryschool.com.  

    I miss the good old days when all I worried about was how to open a bag of chips in the planetarium without making noise and getting caught! When science was fun. I envy people who fully embrace their religious beliefs. But I just don't know which religion is right...or if any religion is right. I figure I'll find out the truth when I die, right? Because when we die...something is going to happen right? Or will we just be in the dirt and nothing happens. I don't know. But there sure are lots of people who do know...or so they say.
    Laura NP

    Sunday, August 29, 2010

    Obama's Air Guitar Aspirations

    So they just had the Air Guitar World Championships! It was held in Helsinki Finland. France's Sylvain Quimene, aka "Gunther Love" won for the second year in a row! The media article said Quimene "wowed the judges with his imaginary guitar renditions, performed wearing nothing but sunglasses and shiny, tight, gold-coloured trousers." Awesome! Check out his winning performance right here! What's that? You never heard of the famous Air Guitar World Championships? You don't know Sylvain Quimene? This has been a world event since 1996! What if a few of our favorite media-addicted friends entered the Air Guitar Championships? Then it might gain unprecedented popularity right? Let's see...how about Nancy Grace? I can see it now! She would lip sync Sade's song "Is It A Crime." Maybe Paris Hilton? She could sing Coolio's song, "Gangsta's Paradise"...it's about drug possession of course. How about Heidi Montag? Wait, since she made her breasts a size F or G or something like that, I don't think we would be able to see the air guitar...she would probably be disqualified! Oh I know...how about President Obama? He needs to find a new job soon anyway! According to Judicial Watch, President Obama has made their top ten most corrupt politicians for 2009! According to Judicial Watch, he made the top ten because, "Obama believes his administration can violate the privacy rights of American citizens without any legal consequences or accountability. He claims the Privacy Act does not apply to the White House." Yes! Obama would make a great air guitar player! What with his vacation-loving-lied-about-transparency-never-addressing-the-nation-turn-Americans-into-drones-drink-the-kool-aide-socialist-loving-never-without-a-teleprompter-philosophy, we would all be his groupies in no time! He would be in his element...getting people to believe he is playing a real guitar...but some of us know...it's a guitar that isn't really there.
    Laura NP

    When Your Therapist Moves Far Away

    Question: How can I make dealing with the fact that my therapist is moving far away easier to deal with?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Monday, August 23, 2010

    Strange Symptoms

    Question: My body feels very weird when I feel myself its like nothing's there. I can't taste or feel cold beverages and I have constant headaches.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Breaking Someone's Heart

    Question: How do I break up with someone who loves me?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Wednesday, August 18, 2010

    Mosque Madness

    Raw, emotional, heated. That pretty much describes how people are feeling about this "mosque at ground zero thing." Like everyone out there, I remember 9/11. And I still cry when I hear that Yellowcard song Believe. I've read just about every opinion out there. The New Yorker wrote about it this week too. The New Yorker had a quote from Palin of course. The quote was something about putting the families of 9/11 victims through anguish if the mosque is allowed to exist near ground zero. I used to like Palin's boldness...but she's overexposed at this point...and she says a lot of words that have no depth or meaning. She's like a fly in the kitchen, totally annoying and in need of a swat! Then they had a quote from Gingrich. He said, "There should be no mosque near ground zero in New York so long as there are no churches or synagogues in Saudi Arabia." What's wrong with him? Saudi Arabia is a totally different country with a totally different government with a totally different life philosophy and...it does not have a constitution! Duh Newt! There is no comparison. I used to like Newt too...but he is a bit of a moron for making that statement. Bottom line, I don't like the idea of a mosque near ground zero, it hurts. But I love America and I love my freedom. And this debate isn't about religion, it's about freedom. Palin loves her right to own a gun. Palin and Gingrich love promoting small businesses and the rights of American's to live in a free market. They claim to love the constitution and all it offers America. So how can they be mad at a bunch of Americans who want to rent a building in New York to engage in their constitutional right to practice their religion? You can't have your cake and eat it too...you can't have it both ways...You can't apply the constitution only when it suits you. It is for all of us. And as much as I don't want a mosque near ground zero, I don't want anyone taking away my rights, so I accept that people have a right to have their mosque in the building near ground zero. And I accept that Palin has a right to own a gun. And I accept that Palin and Gingrich have the right to stick their foot in their mouth over and over with their dumb words...cause freedom of speech rocks!

    Saturday, August 14, 2010

    Is He Cheating?

    Question: I know my husband is cheating on me but I can't prove it.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Friday, August 13, 2010

    Lithium carbonate ER vs. Lithobid

    Question: Is lithium carbonate er easier on the digestive system, than Lithobid?

    Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. At this time, it is most urgent that I find the answer about this. best regards, Becky.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Thursday, August 12, 2010

    Unusual Foot Swelling

    Question: Foot & ankle swelling, no injury, taking enbrel for arthritis. Should I see doc immediately?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Being A Parent Is Hard Work

    Question: My son is 8, his behavior is when I get on him for doing something wrong, that he knows he's not suppose to do, he says I'm being mean, and throw fits and then starts talking smart, saying he doesn't need me, he hates me.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Wednesday, August 11, 2010

    Steven Slater Syndrome

    Did you ever have a moment when you wanted to do or say one thing but in a split second chose a different course of action? And the action you chose forever changed your life path?!? Sort of like Mr. Steven Slater from JetBlue? There were a few scenarios that he could have chosen that would have put him on top of this whole heap of trouble! I don't know about you, but when the chips are down, I want to land on top! So I thought I would offer a few options so if any of us are in a similar situation...we come out golden with a book deal, a reality TV show, and a movie deal! So this is what allegedly happened...The passenger hit Mr. Slater on the head with the overhead bin door and called him a very bad word after he asked her to sit down and put her buckle on. Simple sour interaction between two people right? This stuff happens every day! Mr. Slater decided to be blunt and have no tact. He got on the intercom, said a bad word, stole some beer, quit his job, and slid down the chute and ran away (sort of totally funny when you think about it!). Some people would have said nothing and gone home and taken out their true rage on their significant other (that's what family is for right!?!). Some people would have displayed a tactful rebuttal such as, "I'm sorry things aren't going well for you now, can I help you with your luggage so you can sit down for safety?" Some people would have been blunt and said, "Listen lady, sit down and put your buckle on, I don't want to be responsible for your guts all over this plane if we hit turbulence!" So what might be half-way between tact and blunt? What would a true American who understands the whole "land of opportunity" thing do? How about this...When the passenger hit you in the head with the overhead bin...you let out a quiet gurgle noise deep in your throat that slowly gets louder as you roll your eyes in the back of your head and make yourself vomit on her shoes and then fall to the floor and start violently shaking and then suddenly stop...staying on the ground you are motionless and wait for an ambulance to arrive. And as the ambulance crew is loading you onto the stretcher, you muster up a tiny bit of strength and turn to the passenger and say..."tell my mother I love her." Then gurgle some more and roll your eyes up in your head again...then start collecting workman's comp as you are shuffled to multiple health care workers who can't figure out what's wrong with you so they extend your workman's comp...and before you know it...you receive a medical retirement with full benefits from the job and you sue the passenger and win a multimillion dollar lawsuit for wrongful something-or-other, then you retire to a tropical island, sit on the porch of your beach house, and say..."God Bless America!"
    Laura NP

    Sunday, August 8, 2010

    You are Not Broken, You are Not Damaged

    Question: I have been in therapy for a while now, more than a year. I am trying but I am not as well as I would like to be. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression and self-harm issues. I have a history of childhood sexual and physical abuse. So obviously it took a long time to become this broken person I am, but how long is too long for it to take to get well? I wonder if it is just not going to happen for me. I am on medication as well for anxiety and depression by a psychiatrist and I see my therapist once a week. Not all the therapy is directed at the past, as employment, health and major family changes have occurred during this time as well. I just don't know if I am too damaged to get better. So how long is too long? I don't want to give up but I don't want to keep going without some significant changes. Thanks for reading this.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Wednesday, August 4, 2010

    Do Other People "Make" You Do Things?

    Question: My partner and I have been together for 3 1/2 yrs. We had a separation of 2 days last month during which he had sex with a friend who may now be pregnant. We have reconciled and now he tells me that they were together again recently. I can look past his cheating, but I feel the woman is trying to keep him from me. She is 48 and very promiscuous. I have even seen her at a bar drinking. I love my partner and we both want to be together. I'm not sure where I will fit in with this possible child. Breaking up is not wanted by either of us.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Tuesday, August 3, 2010

    Is It Depression Or A Medical Problem

    Question: Hi, I am under a lot of pressure with being almost 21 with a wife and a 1 year old. I work 7-3 Monday through Friday and I'm in the army national guard. My wife's trying to find a job but its just not seeming to happen for her. I have lost my sex drive and it hurts my wife more than anything. what do I do?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Monday, August 2, 2010

    A Cheating Wife

    Question: My wife gave me an STD. How should I feel about her? We have been married for 20 years.

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    Laura NP

    Sunday, August 1, 2010

    Negative Obsessional Thoughts

    Question: I think about my father dying everyday even though he is alive. I've cried many nights in bed, in the shower, and whenever I am alone just at the mere thought of losing him. It's constant and every time I do I get choked up, extremely sad and start thinking if he dies, then I am going to have a break down. Why is it that I constantly think about my father dying? What is wrong with me?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Friday, July 30, 2010

    Charles Rangel - Top 3 PR Moves He Should Consider

    So Charles Rangel is in a heap of trouble! He of course swears he is an All-American-upstanding-citizen. Apparently, after a 2 year investigation, there was some stinky stuff going on...questionable fund raising activities, improperly obtaining four luxury apartments in New York, some financial no-nos related to a villa in the Dominican Republic, failing to reveal six-figure assets on his disclosure forms...and who knows what else! Good ole Charlie is probably vetting top-notch PR firms to manage his image right about now. But wait! He doesn't need to waste his money! Cause right here are the top 3 worst best case scenarios to get him off the hook.

    1. Now's the perfect time to leak that sex tape he's been hiding! Doesn't everyone have a sex tape to release to get attention and/or to deflect other issues? Who doesn't get totally side-tracked by sex? It would definitely need to be super-scandalous...and at least as icky as Woody Allen hooking up with his daughter! Or maybe like David Letterman...having sex with his staff and then getting blackmailed about it!

    2. Fake a serious illness. He is 80 after all. It would be believable. That teacher in Pennsylvania faked a brain tumor for nine years! She got lots of money donations and a trip to Disney World. If people believed a nine year old brain tumor...well they'll believe just about anything! I think either Lyme Disease or West Nile. This way he can feign flare-ups and get even more sympathy. He should stay away from the brain tumor...it's too fresh of a news story!

    3. Change parties! Charlie should announce that he is now a Republican! He can be a frequent guest on the Sean Hannity show on Fox! He can talk about owning a gun, loving the Constitution, and how much capitalism rocks! He may even get to throw that dumb football around the studio with Sean.

    So there is hope for Mr. Rangel! I think he should start walking with a cane too. And start looking like a frail older man...let his hair go grey...maybe even wear his pajamas to court...
    Laura NP

    Thursday, July 29, 2010

    Just Say No

    Question: How do I overcome victim mentality disorder? I let people walk all over me then I complain about it, I am losing the few friends I have because all I ever talk about is what this one and that has done to me, I feel like I lost myself.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Sunday, July 25, 2010

    Can you drink too much water?

    Question: I am a landscaper and sweat a lot. I drink between 2 and 3 gallons of water a day. My co-workers say I drink too much water. I say a person can not drink too much water. Who is correct?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Regaining Trust

    Question: Why do women feel like men can never change their old ways..how can I get that trust back.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Can You Get Rid of a MRSA Infection

    Question: My son has had dealing with MRSA staph infection for over a year, since he was in the hospital after having a near fatal car wreck. the doctor has tried several antibiotics and topical creams. How can he be cured of MRSA? He is 19 years old. should I take him to an ER, so he can receive IV antibiotics? Is MRSA deadly such as staph?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Substance Abuse throughout a Marriage

    Question: I have been married to my husband for 15 years. He has used crack off and on for the 15 years, financially I have done everything, we recently separated and he started seeing someone else who smoked crack also and now he says he loves her. I don't really want him, but I can't get over this feeling of feeling rejected and hurt. It is not as though he did anything for me, but why do I feel so hurt. I am 61 years old and don't want to live like this the rest of my life.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Friday, July 23, 2010

    Is alcoholism a disease or a sin

    Question: Is alcoholism a disease or a sin?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Fun or Fetish

    Question: I often chat with women...nothing sexual...just chat...and I love to show them pictures of my wife(totally clean..nothing obscene) the weird part is that I love it when they tell me that she's ugly...is this wrong of me or is it an innocent fetish?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Sunday, July 18, 2010

    When Your Mate Stops Calling

    Question: If my boyfriend stops saying I love you and stops returning my messages with no explanation, should I continue to text him or should I just leave him alone?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Monday, July 12, 2010

    Loving Only French Fries and Chicken Fingers is a Psychiatric Illness

    "For reasons that aren't clear, almost all adult picky eaters like french fries and often chicken fingers, health experts say." How about that! I got that quote from an article on The Daily Mail. Sometimes the internet has some crazy information! So this article says that "US researchers are considering giving picky eaters an official classification for the first time." In other words...if you are a picky eater, you have a psychiatric problem! How about that! There are support groups for picky eaters too! Even Duke is spending gobs of money to research this "emerging psychiatric illness." Listen, for 99% of picky eaters, I would guess there is no issue with their conscientious eating patterns. Some people are just thoughtful about what they put in their bodies. That sounds smart to me! Just be careful what you read online. Bottom line, anything that bothers you excessively or interferes with your daily life is a problem that you should address with a professional. But...if you are simply a diligent, meticulous, particular, exacting eater, stay the course!
    Laura NP

    Sunday, July 11, 2010

    High School is Hard

    Sometimes I receive several questions that have the same theme. This is a general post to help all the high school kids out there. Making friends can be a challenge for people of any age. I think the best way to get started meeting new people, is to join a club or sport that you are interested in. That way, you meet people who have the same interests as you and this gives you a starting point for conversations to get to know people. Start out slow. You don't need to be instant friends with everyone in a group all at once! Once you go to a club meeting, sit next to someone who is smiling and looks friendly. Always introduce yourself and smile! Maybe you can say something like, "Hi, my name is Laura, I thought I'd check out this club, how do you like it?" That will start an instant conversation. Sometimes the first person we start chatting with ends up being a person we may not like. That's ok! At the next club meeting sit next to a different person and start with the same question. Before you know it, you'll have a few close friends! Good Luck!
    Laura NP

    Family Troubles

    Question: How do I deal with my husband who won't leave after he had my kids taken from me for hitting my daughter with a fork. I want them back, but I hate him soooo much. Everywhere I look I am reminded of my kids and I need all of them home, but he just wants the boys. I want him to go and I get all my kids. I get no emotional support.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Wednesday, June 30, 2010

    Anxious about a Clean House

    Question: If I'm not working, I'm cleaning my home but my home is always trashed with dirty floors, clutter and dirty launder. I'm too broke to get help! Please help I have No free time and I'm embrassed about my house! Tonight I think I saw a mouse!!! I want so bad to live cleaner! Its killing me!! Please help me about what to do! Thanks!

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Tuesday, June 29, 2010

    Michael Hastings, General McChrystal, and the Nobel Prize winning novel Lord of the Flies

    Well, I finally read the WHOLE Michael Hastings article in Rolling Stone about General Stanley McChrystal. It was sooo long! It was a good article and it explained a lot about what's happening behind the scenes. To me, it read like a novel, like West Side Story, but most like William Golding's novel Lord of the Flies. Remember having to read that one in high school!?! It's a classic! Golding won a Nobel Prize and everything! I think Mr. Hastings is hoping for a prize for his article too. I don't know if I agree with the war or not. I don't like that we are dumping billions of dollars into Afghanistan to "win over the civilian population." We need that money for our own who are suffering with unemployment, homelessness, hunger. But I don't want any terrorists killing my family. I don't like hearing how many of our soldiers are dying or killing themselves during this war. And I sure don't like reading about the high school interpretation of our so-called leaders..."General Petraeus is kind of a dweeb, a teacher's pet with a Ranger's tab, McChrystal is a snake-eating rebel, a Jedi commander." So Lord of the Flies! At the end of Golding's novel, all the boys run onto the beach and stumble upon a Navy officer who is there to rescue them. All the boys start to cry..."Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man's heart, and the fall through the air of a true, wise friend called Piggy." The boys all realized that evil dwells within all human beings, even in the most civilized of nations...and so maybe Mr. Hastings, in his blind quest for a prize...had a touch of evil in his heart when he wrote such negative things about The General.
    Laura NP

    Saturday, June 26, 2010

    Is Jan Brewer A Dixie Chicks Wannabe?

    Don't get me wrong, I like Jan Brewer, and I agree with her law on immigration. But her most recent statement was a wee-bit controversial. She said, "Immigrants entering Arizona are being used to transport drugs." Maybe some of them fall prey to the drug cartels. Her statement reminded me of when the Dixie Chicks said they were "ashamed" that The President hailed from their home state of Texas. The Dixie chicks sure did take a lot of heat for that one! Death threats and everything! So now all the people who think they are important are calling for Jan to apologize. And they are calling her a racist! I don't think she should apologize! And here's why:

    1. Joe Biden said Hilary Clinton was "a better pick than me," regarding being Vice President...but he's the Vice President right!?!

    2. Sonia Sotomayor said, "A wise Latina women would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white man who hasn't lived that life." And she's still a Supreme Court Justice, bias and all!

    3. Jesse Jackson said, "That's all Hymie wants to talk about, is Israel. Every time you go to Hymie town, that is all they want to talk about." He's still a Reverend and making lots of money for "speaking and supporting stuff (this job description is open to interpretation)."

    4. Rush Limbaugh said, "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society." Rush still makes gobs of money on his radio show and has a huge fan base, and I bet some of his fans may be ugly girls!

    5. Tom Cruise said, "You can use vitamins to help a women through those things," referring to postpartum depression. And he's still a popular, million dollar movie star!

    6. Barack Obama said, "America and Islam are not exclusive and need not be in competition. Instead they overlap and share common principles of justice and progress, tolerance and the dignity of all human beings." And he said, "I consider it part of my responsibility to fight against negative stereotypes of Islam wherever they appear." And...as remarkable as it is...he is The President Of The United States!

    So Jan...say whatever you want sister! You will still be the Governor of Arizona!
    Laura NP

    Keeping Grandchildren in Your Life

    Question: Our daughter lives with us with her 2 children,1 1/2 and a 1 month old. Her husband left after the youngest was born, now she won't stay home to take care of them and we are taking care of them. We love our grand kids to death, and have tried talking to her. I'm afraid if I try and do anything I'm afraid the kids will be taken away from us, and I couldn't stand that, anything I can do?

    Click on comments to see Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Tuesday, June 22, 2010

    In Love With A Prostitute

    Question: I am involved sexually and emotionally with a woman that I found out was a prostitute. She says she stopped everything after she loved me, but I feel bad to be with a prostitute. Is she saying the truth? And, why can't I leave her?

    Click on comments to see Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Thursday, June 17, 2010

    Who Gets Helen Thomas' Seat -Top Five Nominees!

    Well the top contenders for poor Helen's seat are Bloomberg News and Fox News. But I say maybe they should broaden the pool of candidates! Here are the top five people who should be considered for the coveted front row seat:

    1. Joe Wilson (R-SC). Joe would be good because he can keep Gibbs in line by shouting out one-liners that may be true. It's always good to have someone who can cause a few looks of disdain and gasps of horror during a press conference. It adds a little drama...a little Jersey Shore flavor don't you think?

    2. Glenn Beck. So Glenn would be good because he makes goofy faces and can make himself cry about politics. His big chalkboard might get in the way of the other reporters, but maybe he can get one of those little chalkboards that will fit on his lap.

    3. Sarah Palin. Sarah the rogue reporter! All she ever talks about is "tapping our natural energy sources." No matter what question you ask her, that is her answer. She is consistent and reliable! Two very good qualities don't you think?

    4. Angelina Jolie. She's a hot mom who thinks she can create world peace as an ambassador and by adopting kids from every country in the world. Sometimes it's all about what you think of yourself right? You don't have to go to Yale or Harvard to get appointed in the political arena. Sometimes pretty does matter.

    5. Ronald Reagan's ghost. Yup. We need Ronnie to come back and kick some cowboy sense into the Obama administration! Ronald Reagan was the greatest president. His ghost needs to sit in that seat and remind everyone of his good work and all the success and good living it brought us! Remember "supply-side economics?" Remember that controlling the money supply decreases inflation... remember that we can spark economic growth by reducing government spending...remember that reduced government regulation of the economy worked well...remember tax cuts... and remember successful foreign affairs negotiations like the INF treaty. Obama is the polar opposite of these fruitful concepts from President Reagan.

    Can some psychic or channeling-type person please step forward and initiate contact with the "place people go when they die," and get President Reagan on the ghost phone? Because we are in a crisis here, and now that Helen Thomas stuck her foot in her mouth, there's an empty seat where we can strategically place a voice of reason. Unfortunately, Obama does not appear at press conferences and he does not answer questions. Maybe President Reagan will have to haunt the White House for a little while and scare some sense into Obama. Given how things have been going so far...it's our only hope.
    Laura NP

    Wednesday, June 16, 2010

    Having the same symptoms as my Dad

    Question: My dad has PTSD and I feel like I'm contracting his symptoms. I've gone to the doc with my mom and he was going to put me on something buy my mom said no she would take me to talk to someone but never did! I'm still having the same issues now about a year later!(these started prob when I was about 5 or 6 but got worse since my dad came back into my life in 2006). I don't know what I can do, because of my anxiety and depression that the doctor diagnosed me with is really bad!

    Click on comments to see Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Sunday, June 13, 2010

    Some ADHD Meds are Amphetamines

    Question: I just recently started taking Vyvanse a medication for ADHD and had a false positive urine screen for meth (amphetamine) because of the Vyvanse. I don't use meth so why did this happen?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Saturday, June 12, 2010

    Is He My Soul Mate?

    Question: I am in love with someone in prison. Do you believe this is real love? He ask me to married him. Do you believe this is my soul mate?

    Click on Comments to see Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010

    Adult Children Still At Home

    Question: Hi, I can't believe I am seeking out advice and can't solve this on my own. Some may think it's not a big issue but really it is. I have been married to a wonderful man for 27 years, we have a 28 and 23 year old who we love very much and would do most anything for. I have always been the parent who wants structure in raising our kids and treating them both with the same rules, especially with education. That is what we both agreed upon when starting a family. Our 23 year old son has been able to do just about anything and his father see's NO wrong in him. He still lives home, doesn't work and uses us like puppets and his father just can not or Will Not see this. Any of the ground rules that was set for our daughter has been totally different for our son. From the age of prob. 14, really it prob. started way before that he has been able to pull the wool over his fathers eyes. His father is a military man for 30 years and is home off and on so Dad tries to be his friend and not his father which I have said to him time to time. Even when WE both set a guideline or rule/stipulation and he (son) breaks it he has always been able to get away with NO punishment. Sometimes rewarded in a sense. My son knows and has known that he can manipulate his Dad and loves it, it causes and has caused many problems in our marriage for quite sometime but some how we (I) overcome it cause I love my family and my husband so much. My Husband is a great man and my son is a great man too but I just am at wits end on how to deal with this anymore and am really at the point that I can't or won't. My husband allows our son to use our autos, even knowing he's NOT covered on Ins. and the latest rule was to call home if he's going to be real late or not be home, well of course he doesn't call home, Hubby is out of town, which is when the son pulls his shit! So after me explaining to Hubby that this is happening, he still two nights later allows the son to take the car and go with it! So why make a rule if their is NO consequences? This is exactly what has been happening all through his life and school, which was hell! This is my issue, I have told my husband that he needs help or therapy and that this has taken it's toll on our marriage as the only time we fight is about this same issue over and over. Hubby doesn't see it as an issue at all, he see's it as me making too much out of it and I should get over it! I am really ready to walk out the door which kills me because we have been through a lot together and have had many plans for the future and I do love him but that too is slowly going out the window as it's kinda hard to be romantic or see him as the man I married when he won't support me. Where do I go from here? Sorry to make this so long and dragged out. HELP!

    Click on comments to see Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Friday, June 4, 2010

    McDonald's Recalls Toxic Glasses and Disco is Dead

    McDonald's is recalling 12 million drinking glasses. You know, the ones with Shrek characters on them. Who doesn't love Shrek! So there is some unacceptable level of cadmium in the paint. Right away, didn't you think...Oh must be from China! But guess what...made in the USA at ARC International in lovely New Jersey. They have a very chic website and they are French-owned. I tried to maneuver their website to figure out which plant made the Shrek glasses. They have plants in Mexico, France, USA, China...all over the place! But most reports say the glasses came from the New Jersey plant. It's kind of a shady story...I couldn't figure it out! Some "third-party independent lab" accredited by the Consumer Product Safety Commission discovered this cadmium issue. Ummm..but the glasses were already in compliance with state and fed regulatory rules. So who-what-where decided to do an "independent study?" Then there is something about an anonymous tip. Very suspect don't you think? So what the heck is going on? Maybe the Obama Food Czar is quietly undermining the fast food business to force us to get skinny! Or maybe Pixar is trying to put DreamWorks out of business. Think about it...DreamWorks makes the Shrek movies. Pixar makes the Walt Disney movies. David Geffen runs DreamWorks. Steve Jobs owns a boat load of Pixar stock. Geffen was the first record label to sign on Donna Summer in the disco era. Jobs is the apple God. The disco era was filled with hedonism and sexual promiscuity. The apple represents temptation and sin. So did Donna Summer bite a Big Mac...which is the modern day apple... and fall prey to the sin-filled disco era? Or did Adam and Eve really drink from a cadmium glass, get toxic, and make fig leaves for clothes?
    Laura NP

    Wednesday, June 2, 2010

    Top 3 Reasons You Know Your Blood is Overrun with Neanderthal DNA

    Ever since the science peeps announced that some of us are directly related to Neanderthals, I thought it would be important to be able to identify those of us with the direct link. After some in-depth googling activities, here are the top three "Neanderthal DNA is in me" identifiers:

    1. You love buffets and game dinners. Neanderthals are scavengers. Yup. Neanderthals sometimes ate any dead animal they happened to come across. Like a vulture. I always wondered why some people love buffets. I never got it...that sneeze guard is not low enough for the 7-10 year old crowd. In fact, those little kids touch the food and cough and sneeze right onto it! But some people still eat it! And those game dinners. Have you ever heard of those. Yeah, a bunch of hunters go out and kill all kinds of weird animals...bears, reindeer, wild boar, deer, and already dead dolphins (cause there is some rule about not killing a dolphin to eat it). Then some crazy chefs make delectable treats like ham of black bear, leg of mountain sheep, broiled rabbit, squirrel barbecue, and reindeer testicles! Remember that Fear Factor episode where they ate reindeer testicles? Yup...Neanderthals! If you don't have Neanderthal DNA, you can't try out for fear factor.

    2. You use your teeth as tools. Opening cans, zipping up zippers, gnawing off your own leg that's stuck in a trap...that's some hearty Neanderthal DNA! Some people chew their nails. That doesn't count. Some people chew glass. That counts. Oh...and swallowing knives and eating fire...definitely Neanderthal DNA.

    3. You vacation in caves. You belong to a grotto club, you spelunk, and you call yourself a "caver." You are dazzled by the underworld! You've been to mammoth caves, Lost River caves, Crystal Cave, Lockport caves, Missouri caves, Wild cave, Cave of the Winds, Ozark caves, and you like the website...caves.org. You spend your evenings in the "cavechat" online community. You wear one of those super-cool helmets with the light on top. You know the difference between stalagmites and stalactites (I needed to use spell check to spell those right!) You have a bumper sticker that says, "Caves are Cool."

    So what do you think? Are you a direct descendant? See...all those years you thought you were...well...different. But now there is a scientific reason for your uniqueness, you are a Neanderthal spawn! Congratulations!
    Laura NP

    Saturday, May 29, 2010

    Men with Postpartum Depression...Gimme a Break!

    As a mother of three children, as a woman, and as a health care provider, I am totally disgusted by all the media fuss about father's getting postpartum depression. In The New York Times article recently published, all kinds of researchers reviewed all kinds of past studies and determined that one in 10 dads had prenatal or postpartum depression. The article said, "We should do more to screen for depression in fathers." Are you kidding me? Pregnant women and postpartum women in this century are still not getting adequate depression screenings during and after pregnancy! And now the focus needs to be on the poor father...going through what hormonal change??? It is pathetic...the attempts made in the media and America to keep a male dominated society! To now try and "take over" the one thing they can never do...birthing! Women still make less money than men. Women still do the majority of raising children alone. Research is still focused on helping men achieve better health. But...maybe the tides are changing as a New York Times article reveals the "Department of Education statistics show that men, whatever their race or socioeconomic group, are less likely than women to get bachelor's degrees — and among those who do, fewer complete their degrees in four or five years. Men also get worse grades than women." Maybe men are getting scared that women are surpassing them in education...so they have to try and take over the hormonal birthing process! And here's where I have to put an awesome quote from an awesome woman... Robin Morgan said, "In the long run, Women's Liberation will of course free men-but in the short run it's going to COST men a lot of privilege, which no one gives up willingly or easily." Bottom line...men are depressed when women have babies because they are no longer the center of attention, and men are depressed when women are pregnant because it may alter their sex life, and men are depressed when women are pregnant and have babies because they will never be able to do that which only a woman can.
    Laura NP

    Side Effects From Gastric Bypass


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    Laura NP

    Friday, May 28, 2010

    Where to turn when you feel you can't trust anyone

    Question: Why is this allowed to happen and what makes people do this to someone?
    After spending 8 years with a man he suddenly comes home one day and begins to be extremely verbally abusive, progressing to physical abuse. Yelling calling names to the point of making you cry then he laughs and leaves. This continues for months and you find out he is going to your families homes without you after saying he wants nothing to do with them. All your friends are suddenly cold to you when you visit and they stop calling you. Finally after months of this happening and you become completely lost to the point of a breakdown your family are the only ones you can trust and they encourage you to leave. So you leave. Within a week of leaving you begin getting pulled over by the police all the time, to the point of harassment. This continues until you stop driving all together. During this time you have broken headlights, taillights, fog-lights and flat tires, all the sensors in your vehicle going bad one after another two or three times a week. You finally move from where you're living and move in with family. They then begin doing things to you like hiding your stuff, Yelling at you for everything you do. They Call rehabs and talk about you when you don't even drink. Not really knowing what they are saying about you, you are told to mind your own business. They begin Calling the police and making reports that you said you want to kill yourself when that is not true. They Hang strands of duck tape from the ceiling and when you come in the door they laugh giggle, you over hear things like "no not yet" Then one day you walk in the door and get tackled by one person and the other tries tying you up with the duct tape. You struggle and get away, run to your sisters house and then call the police. You are basically laughed at. So once again you move. Unknowingly you still trust these same people wondering why all this happening. You begin to wonder your own sanity. You think it has to be me. You move again and begin hanging out with the same people that your ex and family know. These new so called friends then begin calling the police making false reports and you are put in jail, get out and that same day you get arrested again. Still not having a clue what is happening, not understanding why this is happening. Feeling insane, You turn to alcohol and try to forget about it all. Every attempt you make to get away from those people are effortless. You are stalked, forced to do things you don't want to do, hit, kicked, pushed, get accused that because you are brushing your teeth your getting ready to go out and have sex, your door is kicked in, your apartment is robbed and your animal is tortured. again yelled at for everything you do. All police contact results in your being ticketed or arrested. When you try to file charges against the abusers you are told that the police didn't see them do it and nothing is ever done. You are however arrested for supposedly saying something to someone, making one phone call or for getting upset that the police wont do anything for you. People say little riddles to you out of the blue and will not explain themselves. Not of it makes any sense. Everyone denies everything they have done to you and said to you and you are blamed for it all. After years of this happening to you you become an emotional mental basket case. You feel helpless, sad, betrayed, angry, constant mood changes, anxiety, physically changed, lost. You are then forced into treatment and told your not allowed to drink. You only get told its over with learn to deal with it, drinking is not the answer. You get told that you can never get the person you were back and that you allowed those people to do all that to you. You are in constant turmoil daily, you ruminate about it all and try to figure out why this happened, what was the point. Scared when you even look at someone or hear a noise, constantly feel intimidated and controlled. My questions are why do people do this to someone, why are they allowed to do it. How is the person it happened to supposed to deal with it so that they can move on? What can they do to regain control, strength, self esteem.

    Click on comments to see Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Wednesday, May 26, 2010

    Family Member with a Bad Marriage

    Question: I need advice. A person I know is in a horrible marriage. She has cheated on him several times and will not end the relationships, she has him very mixed up and plays him horridly with the worst mental abuse I have ever seen. He loves her and is unwilling to end the marriage even the severity of the goings on have nearly driven him to suicide several times. I am trying to be supportive and help as this is my family and keep tying to get him to try to understand why he needs to end this marriage but to no avail. I am extremely worried that I am going to lose my family member over her selfishness and don't know what to do. I know he must ultimately make the choice on his own. I need to know how to handle this to help him make it through this and need to know if I am correct in my assessment.
    Laura NP

    Tuesday, May 25, 2010

    Is Medicine The Answer?

    Question: I have been speaking to a therapist and she suggested medicine. I have panic attacks, I do not go outside in public, I do not even want to get out of bed some days. I can't sleep at night, and there are all kinds of thoughts that go through my head what do i do?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Monday, May 24, 2010

    Obama's Inaudible Oily Opinions

    Ok, I'm so done waiting for Obama to make some sort of statement about the Oil Tragedy in the Gulf. There's some website called deepwater horizon response where you can get updates, but I want to hear from our President! What...is he too busy begging Reverend Wright for forgiveness after "throwing him under the bus?" Obama was the first to blab his opinion of the police who arrested his buddy Henry Gates Jr...remember...Obama said the police acted "stupidly!" So why doesn't he speak about this horrific disaster in our waters and wetlands? How many more oily birds and plants do you need to see brother? Obama, open your mouth and speak, take charge, get your fly fishing hoity-toity waders on...get your elbow-length gloves on...and get your typically-opinionated-now-for-some-unknown-reason-mute butt to the gulf and clean it up! Maybe all your czars can help too!
    Laura NP

    Sunday, May 23, 2010

    How do we know if Someone Loves Us

    Question: I need to know if he loves me.

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    Laura NP

    Wednesday, May 19, 2010

    Tar Balls, Space Balls, and other Mysteries

    CNN is reporting that the tar balls found on the beaches in the Florida Keys are not from the BP under-water-oil-gusher! Funny...the article does not speculate about the origin of these tar balls. Should we worry? Were they planted there by another country trying to make us look bad? How the heck did they get there and why doesn't anyone seem to care! How is it possible they are not from that BP gusher? Well we spent gobs of money to have these tar balls flown in a fighter jet to New London Connecticut to be analyzed. And "the tar ball experts" said these tar balls are not a DNA match for the BP gulf gusher tar DNA. Ok...so tar doesn't have DNA but it sounded kind of cool right!?! So the origin of these Florida Keys tar balls remains a mystery. Maybe Glenn Beck will talk about these mysterious tar balls tonight on his show. I like Glenn Beck...maybe he will draw on his chalkboard and explain it all! I thought I should cruise the web in search of other mysterious balls that may help us to understand the tar balls...but all I found was stuff about a mysterious space ball. Maybe those tar ball experts in Connecticut work for BP? Should we call the Connecticut Attorney General, Richard Blumenthal to check these tar analyzers out? Wait...Richard Blumenthal is too busy sorting out his own biographical mystery...he can't help us now! See how everything in the news is connected into one super-sized story with multiple mini mysteries and a profusion of plots?!?
    Laura NP

    Sunday, May 16, 2010

    Food Allergy Fiasco

    Food allergies are scary things! All the schools now have those "peanut-free tables" in their cafeterias. As a Nurse Practitioner, if I see a client, and they tell me they are allergic to medicine, or food, or anything...I believe them, I ask them what happens when then eat or are exposed to the food or medicine, and I document it in their charts! And of course, I remind them to avoid those things that cause them an adverse reaction. Sometimes I refer them to allergists. Simple right? Well...The New York Times just ran an article entitled Doubt Is Cast on Many Reports of Food Allergies. So once again we have a federally funded "study" that dismisses what a patient says to their health care provider. The research reveals that most people don't have allergies. And the purpose of this information is to give The National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases the authority to curb allergy testing. Bottom line, the government is being sneaky by making it sound like clinical research is driving this health care change...but really...the government is trying to blame the patient for over-testing of allergies. Why??? So they don't have to pay for the tests the patient is requesting! In other words...the government funded research states that you are wrong, that you don't really have a true allergy, and that you don't need allergy testing. Here it is America...Obama will use "government research" to justify why you can't have the kind of health care you deserve. Let's face it...he has to cap health care expenses or we'll be belly up just like Greece. So be wary of federally funded health care research. It's not in your best interest. And if you think you have an allergy to something....I believe you!

    Saturday, May 15, 2010

    Caring for a Mentally Ill Parent

    Question: my mom is mentally ill at the time and my grandmother is her caretaker but she's not looking out for my moms best interests. And her doctor that prescribes her medication went back and put her on an old medication that she took her off of because it didn't work. I'm just really concerned about my mom and who should I talk to about getting a new case worker/doctor and caretaker for her?

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Eleventh Hour Moments