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Sunday, August 29, 2010

Obama's Air Guitar Aspirations

So they just had the Air Guitar World Championships! It was held in Helsinki Finland. France's Sylvain Quimene, aka "Gunther Love" won for the second year in a row! The media article said Quimene "wowed the judges with his imaginary guitar renditions, performed wearing nothing but sunglasses and shiny, tight, gold-coloured trousers." Awesome! Check out his winning performance right here! What's that? You never heard of the famous Air Guitar World Championships? You don't know Sylvain Quimene? This has been a world event since 1996! What if a few of our favorite media-addicted friends entered the Air Guitar Championships? Then it might gain unprecedented popularity right? Let's see...how about Nancy Grace? I can see it now! She would lip sync Sade's song "Is It A Crime." Maybe Paris Hilton? She could sing Coolio's song, "Gangsta's Paradise"...it's about drug possession of course. How about Heidi Montag? Wait, since she made her breasts a size F or G or something like that, I don't think we would be able to see the air guitar...she would probably be disqualified! Oh I know...how about President Obama? He needs to find a new job soon anyway! According to Judicial Watch, President Obama has made their top ten most corrupt politicians for 2009! According to Judicial Watch, he made the top ten because, "Obama believes his administration can violate the privacy rights of American citizens without any legal consequences or accountability. He claims the Privacy Act does not apply to the White House." Yes! Obama would make a great air guitar player! What with his vacation-loving-lied-about-transparency-never-addressing-the-nation-turn-Americans-into-drones-drink-the-kool-aide-socialist-loving-never-without-a-teleprompter-philosophy, we would all be his groupies in no time! He would be in his element...getting people to believe he is playing a real guitar...but some of us know...it's a guitar that isn't really there.
Laura NP

When Your Therapist Moves Far Away

Question: How can I make dealing with the fact that my therapist is moving far away easier to deal with?

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Laura NP

Monday, August 23, 2010

Strange Symptoms

Question: My body feels very weird when I feel myself its like nothing's there. I can't taste or feel cold beverages and I have constant headaches.

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Laura NP

Breaking Someone's Heart

Question: How do I break up with someone who loves me?

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Laura NP

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Mosque Madness

Raw, emotional, heated. That pretty much describes how people are feeling about this "mosque at ground zero thing." Like everyone out there, I remember 9/11. And I still cry when I hear that Yellowcard song Believe. I've read just about every opinion out there. The New Yorker wrote about it this week too. The New Yorker had a quote from Palin of course. The quote was something about putting the families of 9/11 victims through anguish if the mosque is allowed to exist near ground zero. I used to like Palin's boldness...but she's overexposed at this point...and she says a lot of words that have no depth or meaning. She's like a fly in the kitchen, totally annoying and in need of a swat! Then they had a quote from Gingrich. He said, "There should be no mosque near ground zero in New York so long as there are no churches or synagogues in Saudi Arabia." What's wrong with him? Saudi Arabia is a totally different country with a totally different government with a totally different life philosophy and...it does not have a constitution! Duh Newt! There is no comparison. I used to like Newt too...but he is a bit of a moron for making that statement. Bottom line, I don't like the idea of a mosque near ground zero, it hurts. But I love America and I love my freedom. And this debate isn't about religion, it's about freedom. Palin loves her right to own a gun. Palin and Gingrich love promoting small businesses and the rights of American's to live in a free market. They claim to love the constitution and all it offers America. So how can they be mad at a bunch of Americans who want to rent a building in New York to engage in their constitutional right to practice their religion? You can't have your cake and eat it too...you can't have it both ways...You can't apply the constitution only when it suits you. It is for all of us. And as much as I don't want a mosque near ground zero, I don't want anyone taking away my rights, so I accept that people have a right to have their mosque in the building near ground zero. And I accept that Palin has a right to own a gun. And I accept that Palin and Gingrich have the right to stick their foot in their mouth over and over with their dumb words...cause freedom of speech rocks!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Is He Cheating?

Question: I know my husband is cheating on me but I can't prove it.

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Laura NP

Friday, August 13, 2010

Lithium carbonate ER vs. Lithobid

Question: Is lithium carbonate er easier on the digestive system, than Lithobid?

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. At this time, it is most urgent that I find the answer about this. best regards, Becky.

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Laura NP

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Unusual Foot Swelling

Question: Foot & ankle swelling, no injury, taking enbrel for arthritis. Should I see doc immediately?

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Laura NP

Being A Parent Is Hard Work

Question: My son is 8, his behavior is when I get on him for doing something wrong, that he knows he's not suppose to do, he says I'm being mean, and throw fits and then starts talking smart, saying he doesn't need me, he hates me.

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Laura NP

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Steven Slater Syndrome

Did you ever have a moment when you wanted to do or say one thing but in a split second chose a different course of action? And the action you chose forever changed your life path?!? Sort of like Mr. Steven Slater from JetBlue? There were a few scenarios that he could have chosen that would have put him on top of this whole heap of trouble! I don't know about you, but when the chips are down, I want to land on top! So I thought I would offer a few options so if any of us are in a similar situation...we come out golden with a book deal, a reality TV show, and a movie deal! So this is what allegedly happened...The passenger hit Mr. Slater on the head with the overhead bin door and called him a very bad word after he asked her to sit down and put her buckle on. Simple sour interaction between two people right? This stuff happens every day! Mr. Slater decided to be blunt and have no tact. He got on the intercom, said a bad word, stole some beer, quit his job, and slid down the chute and ran away (sort of totally funny when you think about it!). Some people would have said nothing and gone home and taken out their true rage on their significant other (that's what family is for right!?!). Some people would have displayed a tactful rebuttal such as, "I'm sorry things aren't going well for you now, can I help you with your luggage so you can sit down for safety?" Some people would have been blunt and said, "Listen lady, sit down and put your buckle on, I don't want to be responsible for your guts all over this plane if we hit turbulence!" So what might be half-way between tact and blunt? What would a true American who understands the whole "land of opportunity" thing do? How about this...When the passenger hit you in the head with the overhead bin...you let out a quiet gurgle noise deep in your throat that slowly gets louder as you roll your eyes in the back of your head and make yourself vomit on her shoes and then fall to the floor and start violently shaking and then suddenly stop...staying on the ground you are motionless and wait for an ambulance to arrive. And as the ambulance crew is loading you onto the stretcher, you muster up a tiny bit of strength and turn to the passenger and say..."tell my mother I love her." Then gurgle some more and roll your eyes up in your head again...then start collecting workman's comp as you are shuffled to multiple health care workers who can't figure out what's wrong with you so they extend your workman's comp...and before you know it...you receive a medical retirement with full benefits from the job and you sue the passenger and win a multimillion dollar lawsuit for wrongful something-or-other, then you retire to a tropical island, sit on the porch of your beach house, and say..."God Bless America!"
Laura NP

Sunday, August 8, 2010

You are Not Broken, You are Not Damaged

Question: I have been in therapy for a while now, more than a year. I am trying but I am not as well as I would like to be. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression and self-harm issues. I have a history of childhood sexual and physical abuse. So obviously it took a long time to become this broken person I am, but how long is too long for it to take to get well? I wonder if it is just not going to happen for me. I am on medication as well for anxiety and depression by a psychiatrist and I see my therapist once a week. Not all the therapy is directed at the past, as employment, health and major family changes have occurred during this time as well. I just don't know if I am too damaged to get better. So how long is too long? I don't want to give up but I don't want to keep going without some significant changes. Thanks for reading this.

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Laura NP

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Do Other People "Make" You Do Things?

Question: My partner and I have been together for 3 1/2 yrs. We had a separation of 2 days last month during which he had sex with a friend who may now be pregnant. We have reconciled and now he tells me that they were together again recently. I can look past his cheating, but I feel the woman is trying to keep him from me. She is 48 and very promiscuous. I have even seen her at a bar drinking. I love my partner and we both want to be together. I'm not sure where I will fit in with this possible child. Breaking up is not wanted by either of us.

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Laura NP

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Is It Depression Or A Medical Problem

Question: Hi, I am under a lot of pressure with being almost 21 with a wife and a 1 year old. I work 7-3 Monday through Friday and I'm in the army national guard. My wife's trying to find a job but its just not seeming to happen for her. I have lost my sex drive and it hurts my wife more than anything. what do I do?

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Laura NP

Monday, August 2, 2010

A Cheating Wife

Question: My wife gave me an STD. How should I feel about her? We have been married for 20 years.

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Laura NP

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Negative Obsessional Thoughts

Question: I think about my father dying everyday even though he is alive. I've cried many nights in bed, in the shower, and whenever I am alone just at the mere thought of losing him. It's constant and every time I do I get choked up, extremely sad and start thinking if he dies, then I am going to have a break down. Why is it that I constantly think about my father dying? What is wrong with me?

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Laura NP