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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Do Other People "Make" You Do Things?

Question: My partner and I have been together for 3 1/2 yrs. We had a separation of 2 days last month during which he had sex with a friend who may now be pregnant. We have reconciled and now he tells me that they were together again recently. I can look past his cheating, but I feel the woman is trying to keep him from me. She is 48 and very promiscuous. I have even seen her at a bar drinking. I love my partner and we both want to be together. I'm not sure where I will fit in with this possible child. Breaking up is not wanted by either of us.

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
Laura NP


Eleventh Hour LLC said...

Dear Pete,
It sounds like you are willing to forgive the infidelity. But it has now happened twice. I'm wondering how many times before you decide enough is enough. Remember, your partner's risky behavior can put your health at risk. You can contract a sexually transmitted disease, including hepatitis C or HIV. That's serious stuff. Please don't forget your own health and self-worth in all this. As for the other woman who may be pregnant, she is not the one you should be blaming. She is not "making" your partner do anything! Your partner is making their own choices. You are trying to find someone else to blame but the truth is, it's your partner's own decisions that has led to the current scenario. She is not "keeping your partner from you." Your partner is choosing to be with that woman. You are indulging your partner's wants and desires and not putting yourself first. Please step back and take a better look. Your partner wants to stay with you but also wants to be with this woman. Maybe you agree to the current arrangement, I see that there are three people in the relationship. If that's ok with you, then it's time to sit down with your partner and set up some boundaries for how things will proceed. You said you are not sure how you will fit in with the baby. It may be a good idea to sit down and write two lists, one of all the reasons you love your partner, and another list of all the reasons this relationship may not work out. Then take inventory of your thoughts. After some soul-searching, you may have a better view of what is happening to you in all this. Don't compromise your wants and beliefs for someone else. In this case...put yourself first.