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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Steven Slater Syndrome

Did you ever have a moment when you wanted to do or say one thing but in a split second chose a different course of action? And the action you chose forever changed your life path?!? Sort of like Mr. Steven Slater from JetBlue? There were a few scenarios that he could have chosen that would have put him on top of this whole heap of trouble! I don't know about you, but when the chips are down, I want to land on top! So I thought I would offer a few options so if any of us are in a similar situation...we come out golden with a book deal, a reality TV show, and a movie deal! So this is what allegedly happened...The passenger hit Mr. Slater on the head with the overhead bin door and called him a very bad word after he asked her to sit down and put her buckle on. Simple sour interaction between two people right? This stuff happens every day! Mr. Slater decided to be blunt and have no tact. He got on the intercom, said a bad word, stole some beer, quit his job, and slid down the chute and ran away (sort of totally funny when you think about it!). Some people would have said nothing and gone home and taken out their true rage on their significant other (that's what family is for right!?!). Some people would have displayed a tactful rebuttal such as, "I'm sorry things aren't going well for you now, can I help you with your luggage so you can sit down for safety?" Some people would have been blunt and said, "Listen lady, sit down and put your buckle on, I don't want to be responsible for your guts all over this plane if we hit turbulence!" So what might be half-way between tact and blunt? What would a true American who understands the whole "land of opportunity" thing do? How about this...When the passenger hit you in the head with the overhead bin...you let out a quiet gurgle noise deep in your throat that slowly gets louder as you roll your eyes in the back of your head and make yourself vomit on her shoes and then fall to the floor and start violently shaking and then suddenly stop...staying on the ground you are motionless and wait for an ambulance to arrive. And as the ambulance crew is loading you onto the stretcher, you muster up a tiny bit of strength and turn to the passenger and say..."tell my mother I love her." Then gurgle some more and roll your eyes up in your head again...then start collecting workman's comp as you are shuffled to multiple health care workers who can't figure out what's wrong with you so they extend your workman's comp...and before you know it...you receive a medical retirement with full benefits from the job and you sue the passenger and win a multimillion dollar lawsuit for wrongful something-or-other, then you retire to a tropical island, sit on the porch of your beach house, and say..."God Bless America!"
Laura NP