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Monday, August 2, 2010

A Cheating Wife

Question: My wife gave me an STD. How should I feel about her? We have been married for 20 years.

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
Laura NP


Eleventh Hour LLC said...

Dear J,
After 20 years of marriage, it must be difficult to even accept that this has happened. First, you must go and have a complete physical exam with bloodwork to get tested for all the sexually transmitted diseases. There are some that you may have and have no symptoms. Then, maybe try to talk with her. Tell her how you feel and ask some questions of her. Maybe say something like, "I am so shocked and hurt that this has happened, is our marriage something we can work on, what are your thoughts about us staying together." Give her an opportunity to explain. Some people want to know all the details of the affair, other people don't want to know any of it. You have the right to ask her to give you information you feel you need to know to help you reach a conclusion. Everyone has their breaking point and limit. You will have to decide if what she has done is a "deal breaker" for you or is it something you can forgive. Once you get more specifics of her infidelity, you will need to make a decision about the relationship. If she is willing, it is always helpful to see a marriage and family counselor who can mediate your discussions and help guide you both to a conclusion. Good luck and let us know how things go for you.