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Monday, March 28, 2011

Donald Trump Just "Birthed" a Blunder!

I like Donald Trump. He's a super-smart business mogul! But lets face it, the dude's got some serious brass balls in his pockets to go down the road of Obama birth certificate shenanigans!  What is he thinking? He goes on The View and talks smack about Obama being born "elsewhere."  He gets interviewed for the papers and actually states that he does not believe anyone in Hawaii who says they remember Obama's birth!

Why is he doing this? Now I'm the first one in line to sign the impeachment papers and rescind the Nobel Peace Prize...but this "birther" thing has got to stop! The Donald actually sounds like a lunatic. He's all paranoid...thinking there's a conspiracy surrounding where Obama was born. Is Fox News paying him to do this???

If someone out there in blog land can please post some comments about their theories as to why Trump is losing his mind, I'd appreciate it!

Here are some important facts to assist you with your analysis:
1. The Donald wants to run for the presidency.
2. He has the celebrity edge going for him.
3. Celebrities are all non-tax-paying-crime-committing-never-going-to-jail-my-lawyer-will-get-me-out-of-it-liberals.
4. Donald is a stand-up-fiscal-conservative-married-a-few-times-womanizing-republican.
5. He's rich.
6. His hair is....odd.

I can't wait to hear your theories!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Did Charlie Sheen Help Bill Zedler Write That God-Awful Creationist Bill?

So Bill Zedler is some kind of politician in Texas. He's in the news because he wrote House Bill 2454 that prohibits "discrimination by public institutions of higher education against faculty members and students based on their conduct of research relating to intelligent design." What...? Are you scratching your noggin wondering what the heck is going on in Texas?

What, they aren't worried about the border anymore? No more troubles with unemployment? No more budget woes? Everything is going so well in Texas, Billy-boy had so much time on his hands, that he wrote this bill about....ummm...about...well if I had to guess...it's about the missing link?  Something about man was an ape or maybe God made man or maybe God made an ape that turned into a man? And, which ever one you believe, no one can bad-mouth you in the state of Texas? Yeah! That's what his bill is about right?

I'm figuring Charlie Sheen helped him write it. I think they sat down together and drank some tiger blood and started howling at the moon or growling or maybe ran naked through the wilderness and said to each other, "We are man, we know stuff about the world, let's write a law about stuff!"

Cause there is no other explanation for the crazy-talk going on in that bill!

First, I'm pretty sure it's kind-of sort-of illegal because it's really about religion and hocus-pocus-poof-the-world-was-created-in-six-days-by-intelligent design-which-is-really-creationism-disguised-as-science-so-it-can-be-taught-in-schools-mumbo-jumbo-fake-you-out-drink-the-kool-aide-kind-of-rhetoric!

Second, what kind of "research" is he talking about related to "intelligent design"...a bible study class?

Third, how dumb does he think Texans and Americans are? Intelligent design is creationism...duh.

Fourth,  what was Charlie Sheen thinking!? Charlie just might have ruined his reputation by hanging out with Bill Zedler!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Screw All This Budget Crap...Let's Talk About Clarence Thomas!

Come on...enough already...budget smudget! How boring to hear all the bickering over money! Money is why marriages break up, money is why friendships are ruined, money is why there is crime!

So let's change the subject! How about the weird mutism of Clarence Thomas! What's up with the no talking thing? I'd like to try that at my job. How long can I get away with it before I was either fired or forced into therapy?!? But if you are a supreme justice, you are like a Demigod!  He sure wasn't mute when he was talking to Anita Hill about pubic hairs....remember that!?!

Clarence, when questioned about his missing vocal cords, said something about surgeons not talking when they take gallbladders out because they already know how to do it. Umm...Clarence....I've got news for you, there are often complications and anomalies, and surgeons do indeed discuss the case and how to proceed during pretty much every surgery! 

And even crazier...his politically weird wife can't seem to shut her own pie hole. She recently asked Anita Hill to apologize to her husband! I threw up a little in my mouth when I heard that one! Virginia Thomas makes boatloads of money doing some kind of super-conservative nonsense and hubby Clarence somehow forgot to note her $600,000+ salary on his disclosure papers for court!

Maybe he's not mute...maybe he's just plain dumb. How do you not know your wife makes gobs of money? He purposefully left it off his disclosure. That's just unethical and wrong. Why isn't he in trouble with his boss for that?  How about the word impeach? Do you think he understands what that means?