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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ginger "The Babbler" White versus Herman "The Worman" Cain

This is a dose of help for all the foolish women out there who out their secret lovers.....Stop telling your classified closet capers! Frankly, the rest of us don't want to hear about it. Why can't you keep your personal business to yourself?!? The repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell does not apply here ladies!

It's just embarrassing for women everywhere. Ginger White and all the accusers coming out of the woodwork like little tattle-tale rats... it's nauseating.

Whose character should we attack? Hers or His??? Or should it matter at all? Seems to me these ladies are telling stories because they want something.

Ginger, why didn't you go to confession instead of the media? Ginger, why are you ruining your reputation and bringing all us gals down? Ginger, you chose to be with the man for crying out loud! And I'm not sure I believe you anyway!

Ladies....boudoir antics must never verbally stray from the bedroom! No videos either! Don't kiss and tell!

Word of the day: Uncouth.
Definition: lacking in polish and grace, awkward and uncultivated in appearance, manner, or behavior. Rude. Boorish. Classless.
Sentence: I found the woman rather uncouth; indeed, she was quite an unsavory character.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving and Our Obsession with Balloons

Now don't get me wrong....I'm all thankful today, but I can't help pointing out that Thanksgiving is like the high holy day for balloon lovers. I'm talking about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! It's even on TV! And Miss America is in it too! But it's about the balloons...big big big balloons of spiderman, spongebob, and every thing that makes America fun!

Historically, Thanksgiving is about Europeans who came to this land and ate turkey with the natives to celebrate and give thanks for a good harvest.

More recent American History shows us it's really about balloons! Gloriously big balloons! So here is a reminder of all our balloon obsessions and how Thanksgiving is the culmination of our balloon love:

Gift giving: Graduation, valentines day, having a baby, on and on we could list all the times we've given or received balloons with clever pictures and sayings on them.

Sick in the hospital: I never understood this one....but people in hospital beds get a lot of "get well balloons."

Hot air balloon rides: Who doesn't want to ride in a balloon! Fun!

Parties: When did you go to a party where there weren't any balloons???

Meteorology/medical equipment/military: It's true! Balloons are practical too!

Michael Faraday invented the balloon in 1824. He should get an honorary Nobel Peace Prize!

I love water balloon fights and the creepy clowns who twist balloons into animals! And don't forget the "balloon boy scandal!"

Enjoy the parade and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Advice for the Supreme Court Justices-American Style

Well we are finally getting to the end point....that place where Columbus thought he'd sail his boat right over the edge of the world! That's right...the supreme court will decide if Obamacare is constitutional. If it is ok for the government to force us to buy health insurance. We should be worried. Because if they all say yay....America is gone. Gone because we will have to rewrite our constitution. Gone because we will then be forced to buy all kinds of stuff we don't want. I don't want to pay to have a lawyer retained on my behalf!

What you say??

Well it's only a matter of time before the government says its your right to have a lawyer! Not just a public defender! Oh no...because the free health care clinics weren't good enough, so I'm sure the public defenders won't be good enough either. So get ready to pay a yearly retainer for a lawyer. Oh that's right! Probably around $10,000 a year I'd guess! Because, for some reason, the legal system has no regulation and lawyers are allowed to charge outrageous amounts of money for their bad advice! $500 to $700 or more dollars an hour! Ummm....reality check....no one is worth that! Oh...and how about we apply those health care privacy rules to the courts? Have you ever been to court?  You can hear everyone's business all up and down the hallways! How come we can't do that with healthcare information? Why is it ok for a lawyer to shout out that his client got an STD from that home-wrecker defendant! But not ok for a doctor to tell the partner they should go get tested??? Why isn't the legal system regulated like the healthcare system?  A surgeon may be worth $500 an hour....but certainly those two-bit greedy injury lawyers are not worth $500 an hour!

It's all so dumb. I have a bad attitude when I think about the fat cat government taking over half my money to do dumb things with it.  If the supreme court says the government can make us pay for healthcare....then they should make the government regulate lawyers too. It's only fair. It's the law world's turn to take the heat. Focus judges! Focus!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Things Judge Judy Might Say to Kim Kardashian

I love Judge Judy. She is the queen of reality tv! So all you Kardashian fans out there...Kimmy's life is not real! Judge Judy IS real! I was sitting around wondering what Judge Judy might say to Kim Kardashian regarding all the hub-bub surrounding her 72 day marriage. Here are some classic Judge Judy Quotes that I know she would be saying to Kimmy in court!

KimK: I'm here in court today to end my 72 day marriage. I realized I got caught up in the wedding planning and I did marry for love, I can't believe I would have to defend this.
Judge Judy: Is the word stupid written across my forehead?
KimK: Well I don't think I should have to give the wedding gifts back because I'm going to make a generous donation to a charity.
Judge Judy: This is not Let's Make a Deal, and I'm not Monty Hall!
KimK: My mom went on tv and said she doesn't like Indian givers and I shouldn't give the ring back either.
Judge Judy: And you ought to be ashamed of yourself!
KimK: Well it was intuition, I realized it wasn't going to work, there's no right or wrong, just intuition.
Judge Judy: Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting.
KimK: I've never missed a day of work, but I'm too distraught now, I need time for me.
Judge Judy: Never combine business with pleasure; that's not good business. Got what I mean?
KimK: I am embarrassed by all this.  So can I keep all the money and gifts?
Judge Judy: What school of double-talk did you go to? You're an idiot! If it doesn't make sense, it's not true! You're lying, I can tell because the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up! Byrd, please escort Miss K out of my courtroom, I've had enough and I'm sure the audience has had enough too!

To all you young ladies out there, don't be like KimK, she is no role model!

Judge Judy is the woman to be like. Smart, well-educated, sassy, truthful, moral, ethical, and a good citizen!

It May Be Social Phobia

Question:  I am a 25 years old and I am belong from a village. I am recently completed my bcs(Hon's) and now search a job. I have a problem that I cant share with my family relatives and fellows
even my uncle is a doctor and I am not discussed it with him I don't know why?
now come to my problem yesterday I giving interview for a job I got very depressed and my body start vibration due to  pressure I forgot everything.  This is not now this situation is from the sixth standard of my school.  Even in university life I can't present anything in the front of my class and don't ask any question from my teacher during class because of this situation that I wrote above. and one thing other I am living in a hostel, today when I went to take my breakfast from canteen on my turn another guy come and take my breakfast I told him that its mine he give me  but I got the same situation. There is nothing wrong but I don't know why this happened with me. I am normal in the front of my very closed friend, family and relatives.
But I can't present anything(answers, opinion etc.) on the front of unknown. Please some suggestion to avoid this situation I shall be very thankful to you.

Dear Abid,
It sounds like you may be suffering from social phobia.   Social phobia is an ongoing irrational fear of situations that may involve people analyzing or judging you, such as at parties and other social events or at school.  People with social phobia become overwhelmingly anxious and self-conscious in everyday social situations. They have an intense, persistent, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others, and of doing things that will embarrass them. Sometimes, they worry for days or weeks before an upcoming situation. For some people, the fear may become so severe that it interferes with work, school, and other ordinary activities.  Sometimes anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medications help. But what seems to help most is practice. What I mean by practice is, to look in the mirror before you have an encounter and tell yourself, "I'm in control of my mind and my body, everything will be ok and I will successfully present myself in class(or at a party or wherever you are going) today." Say it and believe it. Look at yourself and say it over and over. The key is not to avoid situations but to make yourself face them over and over.  The other part to practice is with friends and family you feel comfortable with. If it's a speech, practice the speech in front of your family at home. If it's a social situation, practice with the friends you feel most comfortable with in a place where you feel comfortable. You will overcome this and you will be successful! Good Luck.