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Thursday, September 30, 2010

4 year olds like to test you!

Question: My daughter is 4 years old and she does not like to sleep at night. She has me up until 3-4am. I tried the old thing of waking her up early and that only worked for a day or two, but she went right back to where she was. I really don't want to put her on meds yet.

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Do You Need More or Less Medication?

Question:  My son is 19 yrs old and he has tourettes, OCD, and feels he also has anxiety.  He takes risperidone for tourettes and fluvoxamine for OCD. Last night he seemed to have an attack. When he gets in a relationship, he feels he needs to break up. Does he need new medication?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Dysfunctional father-daughter relationships

Question: I recently started a relationship with a man who has a 15 year old daughter. In the beginning he told me he was unable to have a relationship in the past due to his daughters behavior and emotional issues. She believes she is his girlfriend. She does everything for him a girlfriend would do. She keeps tabs on him, goes thru his phone & email. wears his clothes & walks around smelling them. We went to see a band the other nite & came back to his house to her in his bed in panties & a tshirt. What is this called when a daughter is this way towards her father?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Three Hybrids That Should Never Ever Happen

So many news stories about hybrid cars, hybrid animals, hybrid fruits and veggies...lots of hybrids! But there are some things in this world that should NOT be a hybrid. First, let's just review the basics. A hybrid is "an organism that is the offspring of genetically dissimilar parents." An easy example is a mule:

 Horse + Donkey = Mule

So you get this basic concept right?  Now let's get to the meat of this, here are things that should never join to create a spawn:

1. Bedbugs + Cockroaches = BockBoaches 
How creepy is this new species!?! So cockroaches leave chemical trails in their poo and emit pheromones to instigate swarming and mating. Bedbugs work alone, they pierce your skin with two hollow feeding tubes and one tube injects saliva and the other sucks your blood.  Both insects are nocturnal. Put them together...and you've got a swarming mass of blood sucking creatures covering your whole body in bed!  Did I mention...if you do crimes in the bed and you're bit by a bedbug, forensics peeps can collect the bug and squeeze your DNA out of it!

2. Corn + Jalapenos = Calapenos  
Ahhh....who doesn't love sweet summer corn on the cob! But what if your corn cob had tiny little kernels of jalapenos! Would you put butter on it? Would you take little bites in between gulps of cold beer? Would you eat it at all? The sad part is, some science-loving-genetics-altering-PhD dork is going to make this all while using your tax dollars in the name of cutting edge science!

3. Glenn Beck + Barack Obama =  Bobama
Really!?! Just think, two political extremes merged to create one middle-of-the-road negotiator. Congress might actually come together and agree on things...after all, people feel most comfortable in the neutral zone! Everything would be fair and compromise would be the norm! Bobama would use a chalkboard and a teleprompter to explain things to us. There would be some new religion developed that made room for all different kinds of beliefs to co-exist. Everyone would be accepted for who they are. Isn't there some saying about all this? Oh yes, here it is...Cicero said, "Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide."  So vote for Bobama! But wait, if we all got along and agreed on everything and stayed the middle-of-the-road course...there would be nothing left to do! There would be no debates, no arguments, no friction, no nothing! What the heck would we all talk about? How awkward would a cocktail party be? We would have no choice but to read blogs about being a  mom and cooking and tech crap! Count me out. I like Glenn Beck for his feisty-crazy-fanatical-teary-eyed-God-loving speeches! And Obama, well, he's a lesson for all of us, he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Wolf + Sheep skin = Obama.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hazardous Hookah

My little town just added a Hookah Lounge! Does everyone out there know what Hookah is? Hookah is a water pipe used for smoking tobacco. And, Hookah is a tobacco usually flavored with mint or fruit. Gross!! Don't think for one minute that smoking hookah is safer than smoking cigarettes. It isn't!  So what happens in these bars? You go in and buy some nasty-flavored tobacco and you "rent" a pipe, sit on a couch with your friends, and smoke. Disgusting! Smoking Hookah in a lounge for an hour is equal to smoking a whole pack of cigarettes. It's true!  The content and packaging of water pipe tobacco are not regulated by the food and drug administration. I'm here to tell you that Hookah is not cool and it is bad for your health. The Mayo Clinic identifies Hookah as having toxic compounds in it including tar, carbon monoxide, heavy metals, and cancer-causing chemicals. AND...those pipes that you "rent"...may not be cleaned appropriately and you can get a nasty infectious disease from the moron who used it before you...a big sore on your upper lip that's all puss-filled, oozing and crusty!  Is that what you want? Isn't it funny how all across America the restrictions on cigarette smoking are becoming stricter...like how you can't smoke in public buildings and how you have to be so many feet from doorways if you are smoking outside a building...but in total contrast to the cigarette rules, our government is allowing these Middle Eastern Hookah bars and lounges to set up shop in the USA without the same FDA regulations that cigarettes have? 

How about this Thesaurus entry:
Main Entry: horrible/horrendous/horrid/Hookah

Part of Speech: adjective

Definition: repulsive, very unpleasant

Synonyms: abhorrent, abominable, appalling, awful, beastly, cruel, detestable, disagreeable, disgusting, dreadful, eerie, execrable, fearful, frightful, ghastly, grim, grisly, gross*, gruesome, heinous, hideous, loathsome, lousy, lurid, mean, nasty, obnoxious, offensive, repellent, revolting, scandalous, scary, shameful, shocking, terrible, terrifying, ungodly, unholy, unkind.

Thanks to Thesaurus.com for the above! And remember...Don't smoke Hookah and don't spend your US dollars at a Hookah bar or lounge!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Back To School Supplies For Your Briefcase

Back to school time!  It seems so fun for kids to get school supplies and fill their back packs. Did you know there are a few things that belong in a kid's back pack that also belong in your work briefcase?  Because a kid's back pack is the same as an adults briefcase...a portable container for stuff to get you through your day! Some adults wear back packs to work... not cool. Some kids carry briefcases to school...really not cool. So what items are essential for a kid's backpack AND an adults briefcase??? Here's the list:

1. gum and candy.  Who was the most popular kid in school and on the bus? The kid selling a piece of bubble gum for a quarter! Remember that rip off? I bet that is how Donald Trump got his start. Seriously, the little entrepreneur selling gum and candy out of his back pack...super-genius! I say his because it always seemed to be a boy and never a girl. I hope there are more girls selling gum at school now than in my day! And why should an adult have gum and candy in their briefcase? To manipulate the boss and coworkers of course! Sugar the boss up real good then go ahead and ask for whatever you want! Sugar your coworkers up real good and then ask them to finish your monthly reports for you! And, when you get caught napping in the afternoon, you can say, "I must have low blood sugar, I'm so sorry, let me get a kit kat out of my briefcase and I'll be better in a minute, thanks for being so understanding of my medical issues!"

from funees.com
2. paper clips. Unbend a paper clip and it can potentially get you out of any locked environment. It is the perfect lock picker! And, paper clips are good for cleaning under your nails so the teacher thinks you washed your hands. You need paper clips in your briefcase too! If you take a hand full of paper clips, you can unbend and bend them into all kinds of different things...including a mini voodoo doll of the boss. That's right, bend some clips into the boss's likeness and drop it on the floor, step on it, spill hot coffee on it...go ahead...you know you want to! It is the safe alternative when you need to get your feelings out.

3. A calculator. So you can get your assignments done within minutes as opposed to using that number line you still have from first grade. And you need a calculator in the briefcase...especially on pay day, so you can figure out how much your check is short, cause you know it's going to happen. Remember when you worked through your unpaid lunch half hour monday-tuesday-wednesday-thursday-friday? Yeah....they didn't pay you for that last week or this week.

4. A sharpie. You need to label all your stuff permanently. Bottom line...little kids steal and coworkers steal. Those little kids will dig right into each others back packs and take stuff! As for coworkers...you know how it feels when you bring your lunch and put it in the community fridge and then come lunch time your food is gone! Or your favorite clipboard that you bring to meetings...stolen! Label it all with the sharpie, so when you go to your next meeting and you see someone with a clipboard, you can politely ask to look at it and then say..."Ah-ha! that's my clipboard! See my name right there on it in permanent ink? Give it back or I'm telling!"

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Who Wants a Robot Boss?

The Sunday Times is one of my favorite reads. Even if I think it's a liberal rag! Well today The Times has a cool article about having a "robotic boss."  There are pros and cons to this idea. We really should review these now...before you go back to work after your awesome Labor Day Holiday and find a robot with a picture of your boss' face on it rifling through your desk! Let's prepare!  

2010 Recyclart by Neokentin
  1. You can do things behind the robot's back. It takes a long time for a robot to turn it's whole self around! This feature gives you ample opportunity to move around the room, flip your robot boss the bird, make obscene gestures, and accidentally knock it over!
  2. It's easier to cry in front of a robot than a real human. No, really, it's true! Go ahead and lay the guilt trip on your robot boss. Bawl your eyes out! What's the robot gonna do? Pat you on the back with it's stainless steel claw? Confuse the hell out of the robot with emotions! Remember Will Smith's creepy robot movie I, Robot?
  3. You can be the boss of a robot too! You can get a Robot to clean your house instead of worrying about hiring an illegal immigrant! With all the issues going on now with illegal immigrants, it's a good idea to stay away from this explosive controversy. You just might get sued or something! Not to mention, it's just not the politically correct thing to do...or is it? And, don't forget...robots can disarm bombs and perform dangerous missions like sealing the BP well. 

    1. That damn robot boss can sit next to you in your cubicle all damn day! It's that whole big brother thing! Say good-bye to water-cooler gossip fests...say good-bye to shopping on line, checking personal email, napping, listening to your ipod, reading magazines, goofing off, playing video games, chatting on the phone...all the things we go to work to do! 
    2. Robots can break, get their parts accidentally stuck in the closing elevator doors, and fail at the most important moments...like capping that BP well! And when they do break, you've got to pay some MIT geek graduate lots of dough to fix the thing! 
    3. They use batteries, electricity, and all those things Al Gore says we use too much of! I wonder if Mr. Gore hires robots?? I haven't seen any solar powered robots yet have you? In keeping with the politically correct circles, it would look really bad if  you claimed to be a "green-tree-hugger-vegan-eating-hybrid-driving-eco-friendly-minimal-carbon-footprint-dork, AND you owned an electrical-type robot with it's own carbon footprint! Best not to buy a robot  if you don't want to soil your reputation...right Mr. Gore?

    clip art licensed from the clip art gallery on discoveryschool.com.

    Now we are prepared for any robotic changes that may come our way! I certainly feel better! See...every-now-and-then, The New York Times comes in handy! So go to my blogger page and vote...yes or no to a robot boss!?!

    Friday, September 3, 2010

    My Guy Has Lost Interest

    Question: I have been having a weird feeling about the guy I am dating,  like he is talking to someone else or cheating. I feel like he is hiding something from me, because he does not sleep with me anymore, touch me, or kiss me. I just feel like he is just using me cause we were close but now it's like he hates me.

    Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
    Laura NP

    Thursday, September 2, 2010

    Stephen Hawking vs. God

    Stephen Hawking, the super-genius brainiac math and physics guru just came out with a new book in which he writes that perhaps God did not create the universe. The new book is called The Grand Design. The book hasn't actually been released yet. But like everything else with crazy amounts of controversy...the news junkies have issued their opinions disguised as factual news! CNN declared that Mr. Hawking "aims to banish a divine creator from physics."

    Planets, stars, UFOs and galaxies are cool. Who doesn't love the planetarium! I used to sneak food into the planetarium when I was a tween. Back then I don't think we gave much thought to how it all came to be. But now, with all the religions fighting and each of them demanding that they are "right" and their beliefs are "right," I just don't know what is real or not. It's so confusing but mostly it's sad. It's sad that religion provokes war. So maybe now is a good time for Mr. Hawking to declare that "the universe can and will create itself from nothing."

     I don't know if Mr. Hawking is saying there is no God. I haven't read the book. But all the newsies are sensationalizing his comments out of context and telling us there is no God. According to CNN, Hawking is saying that "if there are untold numbers of planets in the galaxy, it's less remarkable that there's one with conditions for human life." In other words...we ain't so special after all!

     But the die-hard religious peeps say Hawking is really saying YES to God! Religious experts are saying that the science explains how we and the galaxy exist...but religion gives it the meaning. I don't know. In the CNN article Fraser Watts, a priest and history of science expert said that "it's not the existence of the universe that proves the existence of God...a creator God provides a reasonable and credible explanation of why there is a universe, and it is somewhat more likely that there is a God than that there is not." I don't know.

    Basically, you can twist words to say whatever you want. Semantics! The dictionary definition of semantics: The study of meanings. The historical and psychological study and the classification of changes in the signification of words or forms viewed as factors in linguistic development. It is the language used to achieve a desired effect on people. In other words, we are duped daily by word mumbo-jumbo!
    Clip Art licensed from the clip art gallery on Discoveryschool.com.  

    I miss the good old days when all I worried about was how to open a bag of chips in the planetarium without making noise and getting caught! When science was fun. I envy people who fully embrace their religious beliefs. But I just don't know which religion is right...or if any religion is right. I figure I'll find out the truth when I die, right? Because when we die...something is going to happen right? Or will we just be in the dirt and nothing happens. I don't know. But there sure are lots of people who do know...or so they say.
    Laura NP