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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Three Hybrids That Should Never Ever Happen

So many news stories about hybrid cars, hybrid animals, hybrid fruits and veggies...lots of hybrids! But there are some things in this world that should NOT be a hybrid. First, let's just review the basics. A hybrid is "an organism that is the offspring of genetically dissimilar parents." An easy example is a mule:

 Horse + Donkey = Mule

So you get this basic concept right?  Now let's get to the meat of this, here are things that should never join to create a spawn:

1. Bedbugs + Cockroaches = BockBoaches 
How creepy is this new species!?! So cockroaches leave chemical trails in their poo and emit pheromones to instigate swarming and mating. Bedbugs work alone, they pierce your skin with two hollow feeding tubes and one tube injects saliva and the other sucks your blood.  Both insects are nocturnal. Put them together...and you've got a swarming mass of blood sucking creatures covering your whole body in bed!  Did I mention...if you do crimes in the bed and you're bit by a bedbug, forensics peeps can collect the bug and squeeze your DNA out of it!

2. Corn + Jalapenos = Calapenos  
Ahhh....who doesn't love sweet summer corn on the cob! But what if your corn cob had tiny little kernels of jalapenos! Would you put butter on it? Would you take little bites in between gulps of cold beer? Would you eat it at all? The sad part is, some science-loving-genetics-altering-PhD dork is going to make this all while using your tax dollars in the name of cutting edge science!

3. Glenn Beck + Barack Obama =  Bobama
Really!?! Just think, two political extremes merged to create one middle-of-the-road negotiator. Congress might actually come together and agree on things...after all, people feel most comfortable in the neutral zone! Everything would be fair and compromise would be the norm! Bobama would use a chalkboard and a teleprompter to explain things to us. There would be some new religion developed that made room for all different kinds of beliefs to co-exist. Everyone would be accepted for who they are. Isn't there some saying about all this? Oh yes, here it is...Cicero said, "Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide."  So vote for Bobama! But wait, if we all got along and agreed on everything and stayed the middle-of-the-road course...there would be nothing left to do! There would be no debates, no arguments, no friction, no nothing! What the heck would we all talk about? How awkward would a cocktail party be? We would have no choice but to read blogs about being a  mom and cooking and tech crap! Count me out. I like Glenn Beck for his feisty-crazy-fanatical-teary-eyed-God-loving speeches! And Obama, well, he's a lesson for all of us, he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Wolf + Sheep skin = Obama.


Frank said...

You have a great way of putting 1+1 together and coming up with 3! The twists and turns you make are brilliant! Keep up the good work!