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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

When Your Mate Is In A Rehab

Question: Hey I'm kinda bummed out because my boyfriend who is in alcohol rehab is refusing to take my calls. He has been there for about a week now and haven't heard from him at all. So I called tonight and the night nurse informed me that he is not taking any of my calls. So I guess that we are no longer together and I won't be hearing from him again. Ouch that hurts!!!! And just to think that he wanted me to wait for him when he gets out. I'm confused do you think that it's over?

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.


Eleventh Hour LLC said...

Dear Olivia,
Trying to get clean and sober is a journey that people need to make alone for the most part. While it is helpful to have supportive people around, those people can also end up being a distraction to the work that needs to be done. It's not about you, it's about your mate taking the time he needs to work on himself. He needs to become self-reflective and really dig deep into what got him to where he is now. Many therapies in rehab emphasize the idea that the person should have minimal or no contact with the people on the outside. Alcoholism is a serious life-threatening disease. Give him his time. Wait until he completes the program and see if he calls. If he doesn't call, you need to understand that he may have come to the realization that you were possibly a trigger to his drinking and he can't see you anymore. You will need to simply accept that fact and move on. The risk of relapse is greatest right when he is discharged. As hard as this is...don't call him anymore. Wait and see if he contacts you. And remember the seriousness of his illness. He needs to save himself, no one else can do it for him.