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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Background Check Your New Boyfriend

Question: I have been with the most amazing man for nearly a year now. Life is wonderful,our normal ups&downs. Here's the problem, my sis did a background check on him right when I met him. There was some things that came up, nothing like an arrest or legal. It was some outstanding credit matters,which was the wrong person and of course she thought it was him. Long story short is, she called me that night and blasted me while he was sitting beside me. He heard everything, and now it is eating at him! He refuses to meet my son, saying he can just imagine what my sis told him and the rest of my family. He has been totally upfront with me. What was found was past relationships where the exs did this to his credit. I have no reason to distrust him. Now it is eating at him because there is a party coming up, he wants to go stating maybe my sis will have my ex there or maybe someone else that she feels may be better for me! I love this man, what can I do to convince him of this, how can I make him see that he is the wonderful man that I love and not some low life, which is what she has made him seem like. Help please!!

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.


Eleventh Hour LLC said...

Dear Barb,
Honestly, these days, I would recommend a background check on everyone you intend to date or let into your life. Times are tough and people are getting taken advantage of. That being said, I think you can say something to your boyfriend like this: "I can see how much it upsets you that my sister did a background check on you. I appreciate that you were able to share with me the problems you had in the past with your credit and your ex girlfriends. I hope you can understand that my sister is protecting me and I need to protect myself too. I'm sorry this upset you." If he can not get over it, then he isn't worth it. If he can not understand the importance of your safety, then he doesn't have your best interests in mind. Now, about your sister, it sounds like she could have given you the information in a more tactful way and in a private moment between the two of you. It would be appropriate to say to your sister, "I'm glad you care so much about me, and I appreciate that you have my back, but next time you have to tell me something, please tell me in private." Good luck and let us know how things go.