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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Physical Abuse

Question: i am a 47 yr old male, married 2nd time for 10yrs. When my wife and I argue she gets violent to the point of hitting,clawing, and throwing things. I have never raised my hand to her, after 10yrs I am done, she has threatened to kill me this time and I don't want to hear the "I'm sorry it won't happen again" crap. Does she need help and should I go back. I know what I would tell my children. This happens about every 4 to 6 months for 10yrs. Please advise me....

Click on comments to read Laura's advice.
Laura NP


Eleventh Hour LLC said...

Dear Shane,
It sounds like you have already left your wife because you ask if you should go back. And, it sounds like you have already thought about what you are going to tell the children. Some professionals may advise you to try marriage counseling and anger management for your wife. But I take a very firm stand on any type of physical abuse. No one has the right to put their hands on you, ever. And, she threatened to kill you! That is horrible! You have endured abuse for too long. You should not go back with your wife. You should get a divorce and begin the process of healing yourself. At this point, you may not even realize how demoralized and emotionally "beaten down" you may be. I would suggest individual therapy for you on a weekly basis. Maybe there is a part of you that thought you deserved that kind of treatment. It will take some work on your part to understand why you stayed so long. Once you have gained insight through therapy, you will have the strength and power to choose a companion who respects you. It's time to move on. You can do it. Good luck and let us know how you do.