Question: I'm a 35 year old divorced mother of two. My first marriage was filled with abuse. My ex-husband and I have one child together. Now I'm in a relationship with a 40 year old man who has a son. We don't get along. He doesn't listen and shows no respect for me or my feelings. We fight a lot over money. I believe the bills should be payed first before anything else and he spends money on things we can't afford. I have tried to talk to him but he doesn't listen and continues what he wants to do. we have a 3 year old together. should I stay with him or move on?
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Laura NP
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Sunday, May 9, 2010
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2 comments:
Dear Tammy,
Money differences tend to be one of the main reasons couples argue and ultimately divorce. You have two things going on in your relationship. One is the differing money philosophies and one is the emotionally abusive aspects of the relationship. I think you should try to seek financial counseling. There are accountants and specialists who help you, as a couple, build a good "money relationship." These financial specialists help you set up a budget and prioritize your money-related issues. I'm not sure if you are working at this time and if you have your own income. If you do, I would suggest opening a separate account. If things don't work out, you want to have the money available so that you can get out of the relationship. Have your own line of credit. Work hard to establish an excellent credit rating so that you are empowered to be a successful single mother. So while you are working on the relationship, you also need to work on establishing yourself and gaining the financial means to be independent. I would also suggest some marriage counseling. You mention that you don't feel your husband respects you. It is important to separate the money differences from the basic relationship issues. This way you will have a clear mind and be able to make an informed decision on if you will stay or go. Marriage counseling can help you analyze the parts of the relationship that are bothersome to you. Ultimately, you want to be able to take each issue and answer this: "Is this a deal-breaker or can I live with this?" Maybe you and your husband will both gain insight into the patterns of the relationship and move forward. Sometimes though, people's basic character and life philosophies are so different, they can't be together. So to sum it up, you will attempt to seek joint financial counseling with your husband, you will seek joint marriage counseling with your husband, you will open your own bank accounts and establish your own line of credit and develop financial independence, and finally, you will pick apart each issue that bothers you, and you will ask yourself..."Is this a deal-breaker for me, or can I live with it." Good luck and let us know how things go.
Dear Tammy,
Money differences tend to be one of the main reasons couples argue and ultimately divorce. You have two things going on in your relationship. One is the differing money philosophies and one is the emotionally abusive aspects of the relationship. I think you should try to seek financial counseling. There are accountants and specialists who help you, as a couple, build a good "money relationship." These financial specialists help you set up a budget and prioritize your money-related issues. I'm not sure if you are working at this time and if you have your own income. If you do, I would suggest opening a separate account. If things don't work out, you want to have the money available so that you can get out of the relationship. Have your own line of credit. Work hard to establish an excellent credit rating so that you are empowered to be a successful single mother. So while you are working on the relationship, you also need to work on establishing yourself and gaining the financial means to be independent. I would also suggest some marriage counseling. You mention that you don't feel your husband respects you. It is important to separate the money differences from the basic relationship issues. This way you will have a clear mind and be able to make an informed decision on if you will stay or go. Marriage counseling can help you analyze the parts of the relationship that are bothersome to you. Ultimately, you want to be able to take each issue and answer this: "Is this a deal-breaker or can I live with this?" Maybe you and your husband will both gain insight into the patterns of the relationship and move forward. Sometimes though, people's basic character and life philosophies are so different, they can't be together. So to sum it up, you will attempt to seek joint financial counseling with your husband, you will seek joint marriage counseling with your husband, you will open your own bank accounts and establish your own line of credit and develop financial independence, and finally, you will pick apart each issue that bothers you, and you will ask yourself..."Is this a deal-breaker for me, or can I live with it." Good luck and let us know how things go.
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